adventures when ruckels renovate: His glory in our story

if you haven't heard the news, we are renovating a foreclosure. you can see how crazy we truly are by checking out the before pics here.

i know i keep joking about how crazy you all must think we are for this undertaking, but can i just say, what is one man's crazy is another man's call. here's the deal, i want to share how awesome God has been in this process & also want to encourage you today. this is by no means an outlet to brag about what The Lord has chosen us responsible for, but what i want is to show you how His faithfulness spans time...His time,

when it comes to where our family will live, it's always been in God's hands. what i mean by that is, that's the nice way of saying that we've trusted & waited...and waited & trusted. every house we've lived in has had a story of God's crazy miraculous timing & plan. we've had houses pulled off the market for us, we've had offers rejected, we've had shortened timelines, extended timelines & favor.  if you want details on those adventures, check out these stories.

the purchasing of this house seemed quick to some, but honestly it is a dream that has been brewing in our hearts since we got to Florida 3 years ago. there were so many small details that had to line up for us to even find this house, let alone buy it. like the fact that my parents came to live with us just last year & before then we would never have needed a house this large. or the fact that it is a fixer-upper. now i love HGTV as much as the next girl, but i know those houses don't find that kind of beauty during a commercial break. over time, the desire to have a home to make my own has grown {and so have my children}. still, when reality started to set in about the amount of work on this house, my doubts began to grow bigger.

then The Lord reminded me that He had set this house apart FOR US by opening my eyes to some things in the natural...

like how it resembled our sweet little house in VA...the single dormer & the right side extends

 

the molding in the living room being the same as the built-ins in  house VA...the one on the top.

and this green color that showed up under all the wallpaper & trim, that was the same color that was in our first home  & then we painted our old living room the same.

and here's the kicker...the roof got replaced {thats the new roof in the top pic} & the septic tank is getting fixed...and we aren't paying for either.!! those were 2 high cost items that The Lord took off of our plate and eased my anxious heart of the amount of work. now if you asked my dear husband who is caring the burden of doing the majority of labor {after he is done with his workday}, he may answer you differently.

as a woman it's hard to not know where to make your "nest". trust me, the nesting instinct is real! in the time you may be feeling in limbo & yearning for the next step or place, refocus that yearning towards the One who is ALWAYS faithful. seek Him & what He has for you where you are, not a pinterest perfect house. i have learned to not only live with what i've got, but to enjoy & be thankful for it.

nothing that i have is mine.

it's all been a gift given to me & i will steward what i have, for as long as i have it. you give honor where honor is due, and that is how we honor The Lord. that is how you find favor in His eyes.

an update on my scare with breast cancer + a winner

if you've been around at all during the past year, you may know of my breast cancer scare.
over the past 11 months i have had 4 mammograms, 2 biopsies, 1 surgery & lots of doctor appointments. and in the end, it wasn't even breast cancer.

in late august i had the 2 masses removed. 1 because it was...well, pre-cancerous. and the other was just large. while it was the first time i'd undergone surgery {besides the c-section with the twins}, it all went well. and in the end, the masses were still benign. thank you Jesus!

and while i'm cancer free...
my heart goes out to those who have to endure so much more.
chemo. sickness. shaved heads. wigs. fear. shots. lots of doctors. multiple surgeries. headaches.

at this moment in life, i know 3 women that are fighting with all they have to beat this ugly disease. y'all, 3 women that are directly connected to me...connected so that i can help carry that burden for them. and that burden is heavy. {even though it was only a day, i know it's weight!} and the only way i made it through was on the powerful prayer of others. i pray that their hearts are filled with peace & grace. that they feel & see that God has a larger story in play. and that He might be glorified in & through them.

today as a part of SheReadsTruth {an online devotional community}, we started the book of Phillipians. and it starts with a bang! Paul being held prisoner & yet pouring his heart out to encourage others. that's just powerful. if Paul can love despite his chains {both physically & spiritually} we can too. but here's the kicker, in verse 9 it says that we can love well despite our chains, but we can love MUCH if we have a kingdom focus instead of a self focus. so let love flourish by taking your eyes off your circumstances & focus on God's bigger story!

WINNER OF THE STELLA & DOT ODYSSEY RING...

JEN CHAPPELL...
who commented on my instagram feed due to technical difficulties here,

earrings are her favorite go to piece of jewelry. 

congrats jen! 
you have 24hrs to contact me with your address so i can send you your new ring!

hello to a new season! and i don't mean fall...

The summer has long come & gone. Although here in Florida we are only just now catching glimpses of fall weather. like wearing jeans during the day doesn't make me sweat bullets anymore.

The summer months were definitely a busy & full season. But the biggest chunk of our time has been our transition back into full-time ministry. Yep. No more sales job for matt. And back to single-parent Saturdays & Sundays for me. But this round we are feeling more content in knowing it's where we are meant to be.

It was definitely a process, one that the hand of God was truly evident. I'm always amazed at how perfect His timing is and how He prepares our hearts even if we aren't always aware at that moment.

When we first visited the church back in January, I saw a table in the lobby for the Emerge Leadership Academy and told Matt that it would be perfect for him. He loves playing music, but he is most definitely called to discipleship...mentoring others and discovering & developing their gifts. While I just said it in passing, it planted a seed in both of our hearts. 

Through a crazy list of happenings, here we are again in full-time ministry. Matt is currently a worship leader/band director at our church & the Co-Director of Emerge. It's been an awesome time of being stretched & used, developing new relationships & putting roots down. This place is home and that feels soooo very good. 

Matt leading worship last weekend.

While Matt was more than ready for this transition, I was a bit hesitant. I know the irregular hours, the tightly budgeted lifestyle, and the extra events that come with being on staff at a church. But the Lord has been re-directing my heart back to Him & His people instead of my own selfish desires. I'm finding my middle ground between my ministry being my family & my family being there to do ministry. 

In August I attended a Dare to Be event at our church with Natalie Grant & Charlotte Gambill. It rocked my world & readjusted my perspective to a completely different angle. {If there is an event near you, GO! you won't be disappointed!} While these ladies were here to minister, they had traveled with their families for a little vacation. After all  we do live in a vacation paradise. Charlotte, in speaking to one of her kids, said that we go to church to help fill others up & in that we are filled. While that may sound selfish to some, it was so reassuring to this tired & drained momma. Because when we go to church, I'm corralling, feeding, dressing & buckling in 4 kids by myself. That is exhausting! But knowing that because I go and let the Lord use me, He will renew my strength. And in the mean time I get my heart filled to overflowing with grace. 

So now both Matt & I are walking in a place where we are called to use our gifts for the Lord on a regular basis. What more could we ask for?! When we are faithful with the little, He gives us much...even in time & rest. I feel like the women the Bible talks about in 1 & 2 Kings who have nothing "except a little". And God takes that except & makes it exceptional. 

seriously. read it!

TRUTH: 2 Kings 4:1-7

The woman only had a little oil to give, but out of her obedience & faith she gathered all the oil jars from her neighbors and poured into them. She then sold the oil & was rewarded for her obedience, not just to cover what debts she had, but with extra to live on. Only a gracious God can orchestrate something like that.

Where & how are you trusting God to make your "except" into EXCEPTIONAL?!

psst! stay tuned for a giveaway tomorrow! you won't want to miss this!!

fanning a flame deep within my soul

i've been gone...for a while now. {sorry.}

truthfully, i'd lost the vision for this little space here. or rather, maybe i was just fighting it to the death. trying in vain to hide from things so deeply rooted in my soul that it was just easier to shut down rather than to try to avoid it while writing. ya know, cause out of the heart the mouth speaks...or the fingers type.

but it's been welling up lately. it's caused a restlessness in my soul. and as my pastor said a few weeks ago, "the enemy uses restlessness as a means to kill, steal & destroy our souls." as i tried to squelch it, it surfaced in other areas. until it flat out hit me in the face a couple of days ago when i realized that all of my efforts had failed.

the Lord creates us all to work together as the body of Christ, each performing unique & equally necessary roles. and what you are created for, you can't escape. {sorry.} it eventually leaks out without you noticing. that's exactly what happened to me. the Lord began to whisper names of friends into my ears. i reached out to each person via a text, phone call, social media, etc. leaving each of those conversations feeling complete & encouraged. i immediately began to think that i was just lonely & longing for more intimate friendships. wrong! i realized that loneliness was just the mask the was covering my restless soul...truthfully, my soul that was longing to use the gifts that God had created it for. as i reflected on these conversations i realized that He had used me to speak life & truth into hearts. even though i didn't try to "use" my gifts, He sure as heck did!

exhortation..

speaking truth in love.

communicate. challenge. comfort. console. cheer on. counsel. community. conflict. choices that are God-honoring.

ya wanna know the funniest thing, i'm totally an introvert.
i'm an introvert & God has chosen to use me with a gift of communication. i mean seriously?! i have to stretch outside of myself & my cozy little comfort zone so many times in just pure obedience. like the "i'm tired & i don't want to but i'm gonna do it anyways" kinda obedience. but when i feel something pulling my heart away, i know i need to dig in even harder. because i choose Christ & His truth, in my life & the lives of those around me, over the believing in the lies until they just aren't enough any more...because in the end, they never are.

and another realization, yet totally a sign of God's intricate design at work, my love language is words of affirmation. that means i receive & show love best by speaking it! how incredibly awesome is that?! if you can't find a sense of purpose in something like that, your eyes might not be totally open.

ok back to my vision for this space...this place where i'm transparent about motherhood, being a pastor's wife {yes, matt's back in the ministry again}, raising boys, life with twins...i was afraid to be too "preachy. but i've come to realize & understand that part of my personality & giftings, is a personal & practical application of the TRUTH. i will still share all the parts of my life because as i've shared before, i know that the Lord has asked me to go before others in circumstances in order to be able to speak into their lives. because out of our trials, come our testimonies that touch hearts of others.

i also know that i have not been communicating His truth as loudly & clearly as i should. not every post will be a preaching, but i hope you will find some comfort {& laughs} in my mishaps. some companionship in knowing you aren't doing this crazy life alone. and definitely find me cheering you on, even if from afar. just know that there will be a little more Jesus showing in this place.

so here's the truth i'm leaving you with: read ephesians 4:1-16. it speaks truth of our gifts & how we are called to use them...all of us together.

   He handed out gifts above and below, filled heaven with his gifts, filled earth with his gifts. He handed out gifts of apostle, prophet, evangelist, and pastor-teacher to train Christ's followers in skilled servant work, working within Christ's body, the church, until we're all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God's Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ.

what has He gifted you with? and are you willing to use them? 

flashback friday: an adventurous june

in our family, over the last 7 years june has proven itself to be a big month for our family.

i wouldn't say good things or bad things, just life-impacting/changing things. 

for instance...

in 2005 we got married

in 2006 we got pregnant with ben

in 2007 we moved into our house

in 2008 we got pregnant with gabe

in 2010 matt traveled to nepal & we got the scary news about the twins

in 2011 we put the house on the market & became minivan owners

and i'd say those are just the highlights.
phew! i'm tired just reminiscing.
so as you can see, i wasn't just mincing words when i said life-changing things happen.

and as today is the 1st day of june,
i'm anxiously awaiting what this month has in store for us. 

one thing i do know for certain is that ben graduates from preschool tonight. 

i'd be content with that for our life-impacting occasion of june for 2012.
that...or my bestie {who was also born in june} has her 1st baby!

HAPPY SUMMER!

i choose an adventurous life of living with urgency

i've been reminded lots this week of a message we heard in church last week. sidenote:we are definitely still in the process of finding a home church, but thankfully it's taken the step from casual sunday visits to seeing if there is a place for us to connect. it was about living life with urgency.and not the flustered kind that we conjure up when we are unprepared, but the life-giving kind that guides, directs & often times changes our steps. it spoke to the deep places of my heart. it was like the Lord was telling me that i wasn't insane after all. help me discover that our life does indeed have a calling, an urgent one to follow where & what the Lord is asking of us. there's a powerful peace in that.

the pastor actually talked about noah and how he had been divinely warned way ahead of time hebrews 11:7. noah was given a glimpse of the future...im sure that noah would have rather had the flood come sooner than it did, but he still trusted in the Lord's timing & faithfulness. i think the Lord has given most, if not all, of us a glimpse of our future at some point. but maybe we've dismissed it or have lost touch with that life. but why? we should all live our lives with an urgency to serve the Lord...even if we must be like noah & wait 100 years until it comes to pass. but in order to get there you have to ask yourself some real questions...hard, eye-opening, heart-examining questions.

are you becoming who you are suppose to become-so you can do what you are called to do?
noah decided it was more important to save his family than to listen to other's gossip and ignorant uninformed comments of his doings. he knew he was called to be in the world building that boat but with a heavenly mindset on glorifying the Lord. i think that lifestyle made his family respect him more and be willing to go along with him in the end. cause don't you think that during those boys younger years they too didn't have the same faith their father did. so if you want to use family as an excuse as to why you aren't becoming that person, find a new excuse people.

are you living in & being fueled by God's grace...or are you still relying on comparison to motivate you to get things done?
if noah had looked at the others around him & asked the WHY ME question...well, there wouldn't have been an ark. if he had looked at enoch and realized that enoch just ascended into the heavens, yet there he was year after year building that ark & waiting, he would have grown discouraged. and while i know noah was human and i'm sure he had his times of weakness & discouragement, in the end, noah chose to be fueled by God's amazing grace-not the worldly equivalent of comparison. that's real folks. we have to chose every day, even multiple times a day. there are charts to compare our kids on. tests in schools. jobs. salaries. houses. cars. boats. clothes. the list can go on & on. but when we securely live in grace, we tend to not notice or let those things hold power over us.

think of it this way...comparison holds power over us & holds us down. grace fuels us & pushes us forward. i prefer to not to allow myself to be held down, how about you?

comparison               us

           us                    grace

what adjustments are you making in order to make room to live the life God has asked of you?
first things first...it's a process & it doesn't just happen overnight. i mean noah waited more than i lifetime, but the grace reward that he received in the end was more than worth it don't you think? having his family safe & sound is pretty awesome...plus he was able to actually prove all the haters wrong. ok, back to the process...check it out, jeremiah 1:10 says:

"uproot and tear down, destroy and overthrow, to build and plant. "

yes, that's a lot of steps and only 1 of them is something that we like to do. you can't have one planting without the other uprooting and vice versa. pruning is a necessary evil & the Lord does all things with purpose. i can say after several years we are finally in a place of building again. let that be a testimony of God's faithfulness, that you can make it through all of these things and still love the Lord & be in a good place.

everyone around you is screaming "NO! DON'T DO IT! YOU'RE CRAZY!" ...but in your heart you can't shake it?! 
if noah had listened to all the nay-sayers, disbelievers & haters, he literally would have drowned. if he had decided that those people were certainly right, he would have missed out big time! he may even have argued that he didn't have supplies, help or knowledge to build an ark, but guess what...the Lord provided.  for most of my life, i feel like i've met some version of this-the world trying to drown me, to drown out the whispers of the Lord in my heart. i've been discouraged. i've doubted. i've even tried to abandon the call of my heart and listen to those around me. well, as i'm sure you know, God doesn't take no for an answer. so hear this, remember that time in high school or college or at a worship night at church last year when you said, "God use me...use me in whatever way you can." yeah, He's a knocking on that door. when you beg God to use you as a tool to touch people, ya don't get to ask or give preference of how he chooses to do so. God is the potter & you are the clay. if the potter chooses to use the clay to make a bowl, who is the clay to ask to be a bowl. yes, the Lord does know the desires of our heart & won't use us in ways that we won't work. but maybe if it's seeming too hard, the Lord is just wanting you to trust him more.

as humans, we all want the good in life...but it's never as sweet with out the hard work & sometimes heart break. but choosing to live a life of urgency after God brings a much sweeter reward. so now, i ask you, are you living a life of urgency?

trailblazing adventures

after going through several personal trials during high school/ college, i realized that the way the Lord wanted to use me was as an trailblazer, an encouragement to those who followed the path behind me. and i wanted all the personal pain i suffered to not be for nothing...i wanted to help & share my experiences so that others didn't have to go through life alone. i asked the Lord to bring people into my life that were about to walk down the same road that i had just been down. i wanted to be able to encourage them in the Lord, be a testimony of God's faithfulness & promises that He never leaves us. and i have. i have always had someone to share with directly after i've walked through the dark, shadowy valley of death. and in the particular instance of my health/ cancer scare last month, i literally was walking in the valley of death. and while i do not feel like i've cleared it or escaped it, i have been on a hill basking in the life-giving sunshine. what i didn't expect was someone to have someone follow me down that path & into that same valley so quickly. 

"But after I am raised up, I, your Shepherd, will go ahead of you..."

matthew 26:32 

 

the end of 2011 was full of crazy health issues in our family. first {matt} got crazy sick, the boys all got nasty sick, then there's me. and well, then came {grammie} my mom...

she finally decided to go to the doctor to figure out why she was experiencing shortness of breath...while just sitting sometimes. they ran a slue of tests, including CT & PET scans. the tests turned up empty on answers for the shortness of breath, so they called it asthma. but they did find something on her scans...spots, masses, lisions, call em what ya want but in the end they are things that should not be there! a few spots on her lung and even one on the kidney. my entire family was caught completely off guard. for 1 thing, she never smoked regularly...or even at all. and 2, she can't drink a glass of anything sort of alcohol without getting giddy-she's a lightweight-so a closet alcoholic she is not. and 3...i was the one who had just been told & untold i had cancer.

long story short, they are indeed calling these spots cancer. mainly because non-cancerous masses would not take the dye for the PET or CT scan like these did. she underwent surgery last week to remove the spots on her lung. all went according to plan. although they did find a few smaller spots, once they got in there, that did not show up on the scans. that meant a longer incision, a longer surgery time, a longer recovery time. the doctor said it was all stage 1 cancer and they got it all....meaning no need/talk of follow-up radiation therapy. she did lose 20% of her lung capacity. which means keeping up with my boys will be a little harder, but the snuggles from them will be even sweeter.  

as for the kidney spots, the plan is to get those taken out in march or april. but i think that will depend on how she recovers from this surgery. so prayers & thoughts of a speedy recovery and fullness of health are more than appreciated...they are coveted!

i'm never sure why i walk through trials before someone else does, i just know that is how the Lord uses me. and i don't think i'll ever figure out his schedule...especially with this scenario. but whatever buffer or encouragement i was able to serve for my mom, i'd do it again in a heart beat. but this time there's a sweetness of knowing i get to do this adventure along side my mom. 

all that being said, i'm off to visit a doctor here. turns out i didn't end up being able to get the MRI biopsy done the day we left virginia. that was a blessing in disguise! {matt}s grandmother recommended a great local breast specialist. so we'll head off to see her today. i will try to update things here on the blog when we hear anything. i know that people are checking in on me via this sweet place of mine here on the interwebs. 

so please, come on back for info. or comment with questions for me or about my mom. and if you're incredibly shocked at this cause i haven't told many people at all, then shoot me an email: kristiruckel [at] gmail [dot] com. so thankful for this community i've found here!

Twas an adventure on the night before Christmas

this Christmas we have been in the middle or the end rather of a state-to-state move. The logistics of such monumental under takings are borderline nightmarish. But we've had a few distractions and potential train wrecks these last few weeks. Read this for details. But in the end, we all made it. Safe & sound. Which is a Christmas miracle in itself! But because of our move we knew that this would be a modest Christmas. Which lets be honest, took a huge stress & pressure off because that meant no shopping for gifts for everyone. But I also discovered that without experiencing the hustle & bustle of the shopping frenzy, it also didn't feel like Christmas.

1st night in our new house. sleepover by the christmas tree.

I did my little bit of shopping online with presents delivered & some even gift wrapped. I loved the ease & peace of it. Plus the excitement of it arriving at our door made ME feel like a kid. Mostly I bought small things to occupy the boys for the 15 hour car ride. yes 15hrs & they all did great! I knew we would be opening literally buckets of toys that had been in storage for months now, plus the excitement of the new house...who needs presents to open on Christmas morning?! Nobody here...at least that's what I thought. As night fell on Christmas eve, I found myself getting sad at the thought that my boys wouldn't have gobs of presents & wrapping to become swallowed in the next morning. I longed for more. More time to prepare. More money to spend. More presents to open.

christmas jammies & watching "the very first christmas" in bed

The next morning came in a flash & with a bang. Literally the boys door hit the wall as they left their room. The boys opened their gifts and would not put them down! I bought both the big boys a mobigo & game cartridge. I soon came to realize that they would've just played with that one toy the whole day whether they had other presents to open or not. my longing ceased. And my heart was humbled.

playing with toys christmas morning

I had been walking through this season of advent with my boys and teaching them that it wasn't about Santa & gifts, but about Christ humbly coming as a baby for each of us. And here I find myself doing exactly what I was trying to teach my boys NOT to do. While it is so very fun to find the most perfect gift & getting it at a great price, I realized that now as a mom I need to learn to be content with what I have or else my boys won't get it. They were content with what they had been given. and in the end, I was content with the modest Christmas morning we had. The boys got a few more gifts to open from family later that day which I admit, helped me feel a little better. Next year I'm hoping Christmas won't be as overshadowed as these past 2 years. As parents, we've realized that for things to be successful & feel like Christmas, it's up to us.

So we're devising a plan to help everyone, myself included, feel like its more like Christmas next year. And the best way to start that off is by NOT moving days before Christmas. it definitely set the attitude of my heart & mind on the things & areas of life i want to make important for 2012.
 and more stuff isn't one!

 - Posted from my iPhone

a frightening & adventurous emotional roller coaster

ok i'm so glad i got my christmas card done early because if i had waited, it just would not have gotten done this week. anyone else have one of those unexpectedly over busy weeks?! phew! i'm tired...physically, emotional, spiritually...just. plain. tired.

so remember that post about a month ago where i talked about the lump i found in my breast & the follow-up to come...this is that follow up. theres lots of details that i'm trying to sort through it all & give you a good concise story without this post being a 10 minute read. bare with me. and if you have any questions, please leave a comment & i'll answer them that way.

as i sat in the waiting room to get my mammogram i read this verse:

do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. i teel you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. be faithful, even to the point of death, and i will give you life as your victor's crown. rev. 2:10

that's one of those verses that kinda just makes you prepare i think.


3 weeks ago yesterday i went in for a consult with a surgeon about the results of my mammogram. yes, my first mammogram at 28 years old. not exactly what i pictured my future health care containing. and of course the results showed what they already knew...1 cyst, 1 mass.

so the surgeon had me scheduled for an ultrasound guided biopsy...STAT! he is well aware that we are in the midst of moving...out of state no less. and yes, he actually said STAT. and even though i realize that doctors actually say it, {matt} & i tried not to laugh. you'd think we'd be use to the lingo by now. guess not! and we did got in for a biopsy the next week.

i went in for the biopsy on a wednesday & they did their thing. aspirated the cyst again & get a biopsy of the mass on the other side. and all was going accordingly until the cyst wouldn't fully disappear. so they decided to get a biopsy of what was left. i was told the earliest i could expect results was 48 hours but probably get them on monday because of it being the weekend.

the next morning as i was getting ready to go see the train exhibit downtown i got a call from the doctor's office asking me to come in that afternoon to discuss the results of the biopsy...and make sure that {matt} was with me. those last words made my stomach to jump into my throat leaving a lump i couldn't swallow. i was preparing for the worst. but still headed out to see the trains that morning in an attempt to distract myself.

and then the doc brought the hammer. it was the "best bad news" i could get. there were abnormal cells on the wall of cyst that they meaning the 4 pathologists that looked at it were calling cancerous. yep...the ugly, scary C word. of course we were shocked. sitting in that little office both of us having out of body type experiences while trying to get a grip on the bomb the doc just dropped. we asked questions. we tried to soak in answers. and we started praying & calling family. ok, so {matt} started calling family. i couldn't barely breathe trying to hold back tears while in the doctor's office...let alone explain the situation to someone else. we went to dinner after instead of going home because i wasn't sure i was ready to see my boys & be able to keep it together.

so we sat & talked. processed. trusted that the Lord was up to something good & crazy. realized that our human understanding just wouldn't ever be great enough to grasp this. said the words out loud a few times. feeling the heavy burden of the word cancer & choosing to let my Savior carry it for me. and i left feeling safe & at peace with whatever were to happen. 

the next procedure i was to get done was an MRI...again, STAT.  that way i could take those films with me to florida if need be and there would be a better  idea of what they were dealing with & also to see if there were abnormal cells anywhere else.

friday morning i was rushing around trying to get {ben} ready for preschool & the little boys breakfast before i needed to leave for my MRI. then i got another call from my doc. i assumed he was checking in to see how i was doing. instead, i got the best news...a new diagnosis. the final stain/ test on my biopsy had to sit overnight and they just got those results in. it wasn't cancer...just abnormal cells that they are calling pre-cancerous. meaning that if there were more of the abnormal cells, they would call it cancer, but now it's just not. are you kidding me?! i was so shocked i couldn't even process fully what he had said. plus, i still had to get my MRI.

the big question of was it God at work or just too early of a diagnosis on the behalf of the doctors...i couldn't tell you. but in the end, God still gets the glory! don't worry, that's not the end of my testimony because it's not the end of my story.

the process of the MRI on that friday was a little intimidating. i tend to get claustrophobic. my big experiences are x-rays and a c-section. i closed my eyes and used the time to pray & sing songs. cheesy i know but i had to do something to help the sound of the MRI not be quite so loud. the results of that wouldn't come back til monday.

in the mean time we scheduled an lumpectomy to the remains of the cyst and the mass because of it's size even though it was benign. that surgery was suppose to be today. i should be at pre-op right now. instead the MRI results that came back late monday...and then received yesterday morning were again, abnormal. the MRI detected 2 more masses deep within the breast, 1 on each side. before they do surgery they need to do an MRI guided biopsy...since they are only detectable by MRI. and the STAT order on that procedure isn't as quick of a turn around as previous experiences. the earliest they could get me in is the 20th.

and i've been meditating & mulling over & over these verses for months now. and they rock me every.single. time! i mean for real people...i grit my teeth daily just trying to make it through on my own strength. but that glory-strength sounds awesome! gimme some of that any day.

we pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul-not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. it is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.
col. 1:11-12 (the message)

in case you were wondering when exactly we are hitting the road & heading south...it's december 20th. so the fact that the procedure can't be done until then & our doctor is done for the year on the 23rd just answered a lot of our logistical questions. i will get the biopsy done early that morning. we'll close on the condo that afternoon. pick up {auntie kate} after she gets off work & then take this party to florida. and hope that we can enjoy christmas & continue to celebrate the goodness & faithfulness of God.

now whether we finish procedures here or in florida are still up in the air. and so is insurance stuff. but i trust that God is taking this situation & turning it around for good. and if you wonder how i could, just take a quick look back at the things He has already done for us this year & you'll understand why. health, houses sold, new job! i've tangibly seen the power of God working in my life!

a friend sent me this little excerpt from her devotional last week & i think it explains beautifully right where i'm at & want to be because, afterall, it's about bringing Him the glory!

do not fear your weakness, for it is the stage on which My power and glory perform most brilliantly. As you persevere along the path i have prepared for you, depending on My strength to sustain you, expect to see miracles & you will! ~Jesus Calling 

by naptimediaries for purchase here

adventures in our christmas card

i don't think i've ever gotten a christmas card out this early...ever! i'm impressed with myself. and maybe the reason why it's out so early is because it's more than just a christmas card this year. the time has finally come to spill the beans on where we are moving after we leave the condo in just 2 weeks time...


so please, by all means...
read our christmas card!

thankful adventure in God's timing

The Lord's timing is and always will be a mystery to me. Some times we are sitting and waiting & waiting some more. And other times it happens in the drop of a hat and we are expected to pick up the pace.

But one thing I've learned is that it's always perfect. ALWAYS! There is no doubt that when that thing you've been waiting...trusting...prayfully seeking the Lord for...happens its for "such a time as this". And we must simply have peace in that.

While most of the time I feel like we are waiting on the Lord for what seems like forever and then we see him appear when we've become desperate and given up hope in our eleventh hour. But for me lately, I've seen him working in super speed and I sometimes have a hard time keeping up. It's been thing after thing here but he's ordained them all. And our timeline is so linear...one thing can't happen until this other thing happens. It's been a blessing to see them all happen so steadily. He's answered prayers before we even knew to ask. He's a God of small things and big things alike. It's awesome!


A few weeks ago I had said that we got a offer on our condo and signed a contract for another full price offer. HUGE blessing. That makes 2 houses in 6 months...and all that awesomeness goes to glorify God! But....
There was a catch. Our condo association had lost its certification with the FHA. So anyone with an FHA loan (meaning those looking in our price range & type of house) could not buy our place (or any in our neighborhood for that matter). And of course the buyer had an FHA loan. but the buyer decided she was willing to wait for the certification...that could take up to 90 days.

i mean who wouldn't want this cute little place, right?!

{matt} had jumped through several hoops to figure out who to talk to & how to start the process for recertification. And on the week we accepted the offer and signed the contract, we were told that it would be at least another 30 days. Still in time to close by mid December but that means a rush to get all the inspections and appraisals done before closing.

As of yesterday St. Andrews condominiums are FHA certified!! and we can now get on with the intrusions of inspectors and packing. oh joy!

I don't claim to know why the Lords timing is what it is. I couldn't tell you why we didn't find out about the certification deal until we did or why the recertification happened so quickly. In the end, my prayers are answered and I've learned to lean on His understanding & timing a little more easily.

and here we are, the end of november...Christmas is just mere weeks away. and for so many it's that of year when people are reaching their own 11th hour of desperation. we need to be looking & aware of how we can be used in the Lords timing to help those in that desperate place.

are you looking? and will you make yourself available?

an adventurous journey of fear to peace

there are those times in life when our first response to a situation is fear. our minds go straight for the good stuff...total fear & abandonment. anxiety. stress.
and lots ok, most times it has to do with health or strength of our bodies.

well, we had one of those run-ins this weekend.

as a mother of boys and only boys, i gave way early to the fact that there would eventually be trips to the ER or urgent care clinic because of some hopefully just sports accident. and after the scare with the twins heart issues and the good news a year later, i pictured myself visiting pediatric cardiologists frequently. i thought mentally i had gotten at least a loosened grip on the whole doctor thing. and well maybe i had if it had been my boys. instead, the visit was for my husband.

he had just been to get some antibiotics from the same urgent care clinic 2 days prior because the family practice couldn't fit him in. and then it started with a wicked headache the middle of the night friday. like woke him up outta his sleep never had this kinda headache. i got him some tylenol and said if it was still that bad come morning he should go back to see the doc. and yes, i sent him by himself. he had a headache and dragging along the tribe wouldn't have made anyone happy.

then things just got weird. the kinda weird where life becomes surreal and you're sure time has stopped but then you look down and realize your kids are still running circles around you. yeah... and things went like this:
{matt} went in for a headache.
got shot for headache.
passed out.
laid down with feet up.
tried to sit up & almost passed out again.
got another shot.
doctor calls me to come pick him up.
takes a few hours & 1 bag of IV fluids to bring his blood pressure up.
doc gave some lame explanation that i didn't completely buy. it was the cold front that came through...
then we went home.

my body was functioning out of habit. routine maybe. but my mind was off wandering some place else. some place dark and full of the worse case scenarios. there is a history of aneurisms in {matt}s family. just thinking about the chance of him just slipping away unannounced. ugh! yeah i went there.  it's terrible i know.

but as my body was sitting beside like a good wife should,
and my mind wandering off into the unthinkable, undesirable places,
my heart was crying out for peace...the kind that surpasses all understanding.
and there's only one place to find it.
in His Word.
no i wasn't thinking or acting clearly enough to have packed my bible, but that's why i got my iphone right?!

i just started reading. reading my daily scripture that i hadn't had time to do yet that morning.

2 corinthians 4

i was actually a day behind in my reading the Lord is always so timely like that and this is what i got to read about:

we are pressed on every side...but we are NOT crushed...check!

we are perplexed...but NOT driven to despair...check! check!

we are hunted...but NEVER abandoned....CHECK!

we get knocked down...but NEVER destroyed...amen! amen!

that's just the sorta peace i was searching for. He totally didn't let me down! because in that moment, i felt like i was all of those things...pressed on every side, perplexed, hunted & being knocked down. and then it struck me. that's exactly how predators kill their prey. and i was so determined to NOT let this be a killing expedition for my enemy. 


now, i would like to say that i stayed far from the despair the rest of the night, but i did have to remind myself of the peace i had found. but that's part of the goodness of the bible. when you burn such a great thing into your heart, that's what comes out in times of distress. i just kept it on repeat as i waited for {matt} to wake up from his super long nap thanks to some of the drugs they gave him. 


when he woke up about dinner time he was doing better just exhausted. his body had been pumped with drugs and adrenaline for most of the day. we took sunday off and stayed home to rest...cause it was a long day for this momma too. 


although it may have started off a little more than rough...it ended in peace. one that surpasses all understanding. and i'm still finding myself there today.

click here & go read some other stories encouragement!!

life adventures with my faithful God

my God is faithful.
especially in the crazy mess of my life.

He was faithful in selling our house. 2.5 weeks and SOLD with a bidding war! what?! that's unheard of you say. you are correct.
my God is faithful.

we planned on moving back into our condo that we were renting. gave the tenant sufficient notice but they were terrible and would not leave.
but my God is still faithful.

my sister-in-law bless her ever-loving soul opened the doors of her home to us...and all that we are & bring. we had a place to stay and call home until further notice. it's a 3rd floor walk up, but when you are borderline homeless you take what you can get. and it's been the most gracious gift.
my God is faithful and overly abundant in giving grace to all 7! of us up in here.

weeks later...tenant still not moving out, so we work towards the eviction process. our tenant, who was suppose to be out on the 10th, had told us that they would not be moving until the end of the month. i trust my faithful God, that He will work things out in our favor and for His glory. and sure enough, He has! by the evening of the 11th our condo was completely vacated! what?! where did the change of heart come from? i'm still in awe...

now for the rehabbing that must take place after it being a rental for the last 4 years. now just praying the same favor on that place that was on our house. we need to get this place sold! now that we are a family of 6, we have different needs than when we bought this condo or our house. i know it will sell. and i know a new home will be provided.
my God is faithful, or haven't you heard?!

so if it seems that things are coming to head for you, remember, that God is faithful. just continue to be obedient in what you've been called to do. He honors that. remember that it is out of your hands so just keep on travelling the path of point A to point B. because if He is suppose to intervene at point B and you stopped halfway...He can't step in. you've taken it into your hands and have therefore made it harder to get to point B.
so hang on because our God is faithful!


and remember, if you're needing to be encouraged, click the box below and read some more great posts. i'm sure that there's something that fits your situation!

single parent sundays & a whisper found in the loudness

i thought i'd be writing about my solo hike up & down the 3 flights of stairs, but thankfully i have yet to do that. we'll see how long that lasts. fingers crossed! instead i'll share about how i was and am being moved by God's love and assurance. covered in His peace.

things are a whirlwind of chaos in our daily lives. and in that chaos, i find myself easily discouraged or overwhelmed by even the simplest of tasks. and questioning if we jumped the gun in putting our house up for sale. i forget that time that we both {matt} & i heard the Lord calling us out. at the time it was so clear, so loudly clear. and now, it seems more like a lost thought or whisper. we were casually late to church as usual.

and once i finally got into service they were singing "your love never fails" by jesus culture. i already am a fan of this song, but really heard it as a reminder. especially the bridge.

"You make all things work together for my good."

in the midst of doubt & all the insanity that seems to be occupying every space of my life at the moment, i know it is for my good. i know i'm right where i'm suppose to be. and remember that He called me out of the boat. and it is my faith in Him that will sustain me. 

so, if your world seems to be spinning uncontrollably...you too are probably in the right spot. in the past year i have learned and experienced first hand that the Lord does give you more than you can handle. because He wants you to learn to turn to Him. so i'm keeping my eyes & heart focused on the prize ahead and not letting myself most days see or even notice the giant waves & whirlwinds that threaten to overtake me minute by minute.

what whirlwinds or waves of chaos are you battling?! i wanna know so i can stand with you.

if you have a minute or 8...geez long! watch the video of this song. it's jesus culture at a live event...not a cover.

single parent sundays & our house selling adventures

my sweet little house

we've had quite an exciting few days around here. the twins turned 1. we had a party. we signed a contract on our house. yep, you just read that. i hadn't really even had the time to sit & write a post about the adventure we were undergoing in selling the house yet. so really we spent  what felt like the weekend, but today's sunday the last few days in shock and celebration!

thursday was the twins actual birthday...and the day we ended up having 2 showings on the house. one time block was from 10-1 sometime and the other 12:30-1:30...so i had to be outta the house all day. once again, thankful for that my in-laws still have a house i can hide out in. and in those 2 rather large blocks of time they both showed up at the same time! and then we got an offer that evening....signed a counter-offer and the following morning... received a second offer. simply amazing in this market! we had a bidding war folks and the result was a full price offer & minimal closing costs. and friday afternoon we stopped party prep to sign the contract.

it's all truly an answered prayer because it's only been on the market for 2.5 weeks & after a cancelation on wednesday, we were feeling a bit discouraged. and knowing that God is a God of not just big things, but small things too, we prayed specifically for a high demand, a bidding war & full price. we aren't trying to be greedy here people. we bought the house while the market was still hot and are selling it for more than $25,000 less than we bought it for. we just wanted to walk away & not owe the bank money. and that we are!

as people arrived to the twins birthday party, we began to spread the news & we had just one more reason to enjoy the pool besides the smothering heat of course because this was likely the last big hurrah in this house. the catch to our contract, the buyers want to occupy on august 15 because the husband deploys on the 17th. oh the joys of a military town. so tomorrow, we'll kick things into gear for the inspection on tuesday & pray that nothing deal breaking pops up. i mean time is on my side for once. ha! so posts may be fewer & further between, but i'm hoping to get the party pictures up soon.

turned out to be the best birthday present possible for the twins 1st birthday!