an adventurous journey of fear to peace

there are those times in life when our first response to a situation is fear. our minds go straight for the good stuff...total fear & abandonment. anxiety. stress.
and lots ok, most times it has to do with health or strength of our bodies.

well, we had one of those run-ins this weekend.

as a mother of boys and only boys, i gave way early to the fact that there would eventually be trips to the ER or urgent care clinic because of some hopefully just sports accident. and after the scare with the twins heart issues and the good news a year later, i pictured myself visiting pediatric cardiologists frequently. i thought mentally i had gotten at least a loosened grip on the whole doctor thing. and well maybe i had if it had been my boys. instead, the visit was for my husband.

he had just been to get some antibiotics from the same urgent care clinic 2 days prior because the family practice couldn't fit him in. and then it started with a wicked headache the middle of the night friday. like woke him up outta his sleep never had this kinda headache. i got him some tylenol and said if it was still that bad come morning he should go back to see the doc. and yes, i sent him by himself. he had a headache and dragging along the tribe wouldn't have made anyone happy.

then things just got weird. the kinda weird where life becomes surreal and you're sure time has stopped but then you look down and realize your kids are still running circles around you. yeah... and things went like this:
{matt} went in for a headache.
got shot for headache.
passed out.
laid down with feet up.
tried to sit up & almost passed out again.
got another shot.
doctor calls me to come pick him up.
takes a few hours & 1 bag of IV fluids to bring his blood pressure up.
doc gave some lame explanation that i didn't completely buy. it was the cold front that came through...
then we went home.

my body was functioning out of habit. routine maybe. but my mind was off wandering some place else. some place dark and full of the worse case scenarios. there is a history of aneurisms in {matt}s family. just thinking about the chance of him just slipping away unannounced. ugh! yeah i went there.  it's terrible i know.

but as my body was sitting beside like a good wife should,
and my mind wandering off into the unthinkable, undesirable places,
my heart was crying out for peace...the kind that surpasses all understanding.
and there's only one place to find it.
in His Word.
no i wasn't thinking or acting clearly enough to have packed my bible, but that's why i got my iphone right?!

i just started reading. reading my daily scripture that i hadn't had time to do yet that morning.

2 corinthians 4

i was actually a day behind in my reading the Lord is always so timely like that and this is what i got to read about:

we are pressed on every side...but we are NOT crushed...check!

we are perplexed...but NOT driven to despair...check! check!

we are hunted...but NEVER abandoned....CHECK!

we get knocked down...but NEVER destroyed...amen! amen!

that's just the sorta peace i was searching for. He totally didn't let me down! because in that moment, i felt like i was all of those things...pressed on every side, perplexed, hunted & being knocked down. and then it struck me. that's exactly how predators kill their prey. and i was so determined to NOT let this be a killing expedition for my enemy. 


now, i would like to say that i stayed far from the despair the rest of the night, but i did have to remind myself of the peace i had found. but that's part of the goodness of the bible. when you burn such a great thing into your heart, that's what comes out in times of distress. i just kept it on repeat as i waited for {matt} to wake up from his super long nap thanks to some of the drugs they gave him. 


when he woke up about dinner time he was doing better just exhausted. his body had been pumped with drugs and adrenaline for most of the day. we took sunday off and stayed home to rest...cause it was a long day for this momma too. 


although it may have started off a little more than rough...it ended in peace. one that surpasses all understanding. and i'm still finding myself there today.

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