hello to a new season! and i don't mean fall...

The summer has long come & gone. Although here in Florida we are only just now catching glimpses of fall weather. like wearing jeans during the day doesn't make me sweat bullets anymore.

The summer months were definitely a busy & full season. But the biggest chunk of our time has been our transition back into full-time ministry. Yep. No more sales job for matt. And back to single-parent Saturdays & Sundays for me. But this round we are feeling more content in knowing it's where we are meant to be.

It was definitely a process, one that the hand of God was truly evident. I'm always amazed at how perfect His timing is and how He prepares our hearts even if we aren't always aware at that moment.

When we first visited the church back in January, I saw a table in the lobby for the Emerge Leadership Academy and told Matt that it would be perfect for him. He loves playing music, but he is most definitely called to discipleship...mentoring others and discovering & developing their gifts. While I just said it in passing, it planted a seed in both of our hearts. 

Through a crazy list of happenings, here we are again in full-time ministry. Matt is currently a worship leader/band director at our church & the Co-Director of Emerge. It's been an awesome time of being stretched & used, developing new relationships & putting roots down. This place is home and that feels soooo very good. 

Matt leading worship last weekend.

While Matt was more than ready for this transition, I was a bit hesitant. I know the irregular hours, the tightly budgeted lifestyle, and the extra events that come with being on staff at a church. But the Lord has been re-directing my heart back to Him & His people instead of my own selfish desires. I'm finding my middle ground between my ministry being my family & my family being there to do ministry. 

In August I attended a Dare to Be event at our church with Natalie Grant & Charlotte Gambill. It rocked my world & readjusted my perspective to a completely different angle. {If there is an event near you, GO! you won't be disappointed!} While these ladies were here to minister, they had traveled with their families for a little vacation. After all  we do live in a vacation paradise. Charlotte, in speaking to one of her kids, said that we go to church to help fill others up & in that we are filled. While that may sound selfish to some, it was so reassuring to this tired & drained momma. Because when we go to church, I'm corralling, feeding, dressing & buckling in 4 kids by myself. That is exhausting! But knowing that because I go and let the Lord use me, He will renew my strength. And in the mean time I get my heart filled to overflowing with grace. 

So now both Matt & I are walking in a place where we are called to use our gifts for the Lord on a regular basis. What more could we ask for?! When we are faithful with the little, He gives us much...even in time & rest. I feel like the women the Bible talks about in 1 & 2 Kings who have nothing "except a little". And God takes that except & makes it exceptional. 

seriously. read it!

TRUTH: 2 Kings 4:1-7

The woman only had a little oil to give, but out of her obedience & faith she gathered all the oil jars from her neighbors and poured into them. She then sold the oil & was rewarded for her obedience, not just to cover what debts she had, but with extra to live on. Only a gracious God can orchestrate something like that.

Where & how are you trusting God to make your "except" into EXCEPTIONAL?!

psst! stay tuned for a giveaway tomorrow! you won't want to miss this!!

flashback friday: an adventurous june

in our family, over the last 7 years june has proven itself to be a big month for our family.

i wouldn't say good things or bad things, just life-impacting/changing things. 

for instance...

in 2005 we got married

in 2006 we got pregnant with ben

in 2007 we moved into our house

in 2008 we got pregnant with gabe

in 2010 matt traveled to nepal & we got the scary news about the twins

in 2011 we put the house on the market & became minivan owners

and i'd say those are just the highlights.
phew! i'm tired just reminiscing.
so as you can see, i wasn't just mincing words when i said life-changing things happen.

and as today is the 1st day of june,
i'm anxiously awaiting what this month has in store for us. 

one thing i do know for certain is that ben graduates from preschool tonight. 

i'd be content with that for our life-impacting occasion of june for 2012.
that...or my bestie {who was also born in june} has her 1st baby!

HAPPY SUMMER!

When adventures come to an end a legacy is left

This past Saturday the Ruckel family lost a wonderful man, C. wWalter Ruckel, jr., at the age of 85. Although he is gone, his legacy of family, generosity & activity in a community he loved will remain implanted in the hearts of those he left behind. We are honored to now be raising our family in this town he obviously loved & cared for.

we've been remembering & celebrating papa walt this week. we've had beautiful services held in his honor & got to share lots of stories of this man, the legend that he is. the church was literally standing room only and i'd say that, in & of itself, shows the mutual love & respect between this man and this town.

click picture for his obituary 

and what i've learned from his life: 

may we all have the zeal to live life to its fullest & make the choice to adventure whenever possible. 

click picture for article & more pictures on his funeral services 

flashback adventure: happy birthday matt!

giving thanks for this guy today. because today he turns 29!

i love his ambitions & his ability to not just dream big, but go hard after those dreams. 

i love his personal sense of style...which is normally comfort over trendy fashion.

i love his loyalty & sincere heart for people...especially his friends. 

i love that he has always created a special place for me in his life. 

one that cannot be taken or refilled with something else.

i love that he has helped me live life a little more vibrantly.

i love watching him love on (& wrestle with) our boys. 

his father's heart blesses & moves me daily.

i love how we've come so far from this birthday celebration last year...

i can't believe that much life happened in just one year?!

i fell in love with him when we were still kids.

and i have loved watching him become the man that he is today as he turns 29.

here's to the last year of our 20's...the best one yet!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE ONE & ONLY, MATT RUCKEL! 

flashback adventure: finding out baby #3 was a boy & so was #4

it was this week 2 years ago that we got some life-changing news...
it almost seems as though it was this news was the beginning of a string of ultimate life changes.
A LOT can happen in 2 years. and it's all been covered in God's grace & peace.


since i want to keep the original post labeled & marked as it was when i did it, i'll just copy it here & make your job of finding it a little easier. may this easter season you be overwhelmed by God's grace & love...cause when i remember this time in my life, i still feel overwhelmed by HIM!



ok so here it is folks, my reactions to our life changing news last week...

it's been almost a week now and i'd say the reality of the situation has settled in as best as it possibly can, for now. i have 2 babies in my belly. which to say the least explains A LOT! it came as a total shocker even though my belly is huge already. we had an ultrasound at 7 weeks and there was no mention of there being 2 babies. i've also had a few doctor's appointments since then and again, no mention of 2 heartbeats. i guess God had some things for me to deal with and work through first. :)

and not only were we doubly blessed, but they are both boys! LOL! my Cook cousins i'm sure are laughing. to clue everyone else in, all my cousins on my dad's side have only had boys-i think it's like 16 great-grandsons! i always knew that i'd be a mom of 4 boys. call it intuition or self-fulfilling prophecy, either way, i'm there. and to answer a big question, yes, fraternal twins do run in my mom's family, BUT, i'm having identical twins and that could happen to anyone. :) and since twins run in my mom's family i always 'joked' that i'd be the one to have the twins...and again, here i am. i just kinda chuckle when i think about those statements of years ago. i guess the Lord knew then i would need a long time of mental preparation since i wouldn't actually find out i was having twins til half way thru the pregnancy!

i took last friday to just 'enjoy' the news and not let myself get all worked up into the details. it was a bizarre day and nothing much got accomplished besides phone calls, texts and facebook updating. it wore this little introvert out! but i'm glad i took that day. i was able to think so much more clearly the next day. because throughout the day, and continuing still, the Lord reveals himself and his ways to me. He has showed me so many things, from the grand to the small, that He had already begun doing to prepare me for this time. my original thought was "how in the world do you accidentally get pregnant with twins?!" the short answer is: you don't! God had these boys planned for such a time as now and has prepared me, like i've said before, throughout my lifetime. i could look back and say 'maybe' He did this or that, but i know without a doubt that they were all done and orchestrated for me for this time. these boys have a destiny that can't be denied! for instance, just yesterday i was so thankful that i played soccer for like 14 years and got the strong legs to prove it! or how i needed to wait until we found out what the baby was to figure out a name. or the sense of transition and the Lord asking me to 'grow up' a few months ago. or the need to be more proactive about play dates for ben & gabe. or even something simple like all the baby things we have that i made matt put in storage rather than selling. or maybe the fact that the doctor told me i need to gain at least 40 lbs and lo and behold that's exactly what i gained (and lost!) with both the other boys. or maybe it's the fact that my parents will be moving to the east coast this summer and my mom will be in between jobs rather than just taking vacation when she comes to help.

i mean really how can i be fearful when i can see all He has done for me and my family already. His perfect love has truly cast out all fear. i was asked if i'd cried yet...and the answer is no. i mean, i know i will have my moments, but right now, all i can feel is God's love and purpose. there is certainly no fear. we are surrounded with people who truly love and care for us. and will do anything for us. apparently i needed a lesson in humility and letting people help me. i'm not looking forward to the days of impending bed rest or taking it slow. i worry mostly for the big boys and my pregnancy. i know there will be help once the twins come, but it's the stress of the pregnancy and the likelihood of pre-term labor or complications. and just letting gabe stay a baby as long as he needs to. poor buddy won't know what hit him soon enough! and my big benny and all the energy he will need to run out. oh the life of little boys is definitely not full of sitting and playing inside, at least not ben's.

these little lives will be here before i know it. my goal is to make it to 36 weeks. my doctor said their window for delivery is between 34-37 weeks which puts their appearance 4-6 weeks ahead of the original due date of august 17. so july babies they will be. and even though it shortens the time frame, i'm procrastinator and do better when it's 'go time' rather than waiting, so again, i guess God knew best! 

thank you for all of your love, encouragement, support & generosity already!

with love,

kristi...and my 5 guys

flashback adventures:: an ode to the studio

{matt} and i met in college at oral roberts university.

he was a music technology major. 

i was a comm major. 

the only reason our paths ever even crossed was because of mutual friends who inevitably ended up pairing us together on every outing we went on. guess it worked!

{matt} had an on campus job in the music lab. i know sounds so...boring. when in fact, that's where we hung out quite a bit. not only was he the 'go-to' tech guy when someone had questions, he also started recording an cd project with a close friend. so it became his second home. and my study place. i'd go in and sit in the back of the room with my spanish or whatever else i had. we would casually interact. i'd get my work done with minimal distractions. and i learned what all those crazy knobs & buttons on a sound board are for.

i would bring him candy or a little snack. and i'd stay til curfew. yes, my college had a curfew. he'd always stay late because he had a work excuse. so i'd kiss him goodnight and rush back to my room.

see other people came to hang out too.
p.s. don't mind me in my work out clothes :)

then we got married and moved away. but the recording followed us half way across the country. he's good at what he does so people want to use his talents. i hung out with him in the studio a little, but not quite as much as before. i no longer had my homework to occupy me. and it was boring. i wasn't singing or playing the drums or guitar. my interest wasn't in the music itself, it was in time with him. and he was in the work zone. the do not bother me zone. plus he was often gone late nights since he was doing it after work hours.

then when we moved into our house and built the sweet studio in the garage, i thought maybe i'd visit more often. i could visit after the kids were in bed. bring the baby monitor with me and not feel like a neglectful mother.

well, let's just say i loved the fact that he was closer was a plus. but actually didn't bring me in too much more. well, maybe i popped my head in more often, but not the long leisurely hangouts like we had in college. things had changed.

i was now preoccupied with babies, sleeping babies, dishes, laundry and dirty floors.
i was there in heart but i had already won him over. and the studio became his space. his version of the man cave. and that was a-ok with me.

since we moved outta the house, the studio has been relocated to church. and i bring the boys with me to visit so they can bang on the drums and play guitars. instead of my girl-friends. bring him dinner instead of candy. but i still leave early to put the boys to bed and wait for him at home instead of my tiny dorm room.


check out the newest song he's been working on for our friend/ pastor adam cates!

******

inspired by mama kat's writer's workshop. 

it's about that time again...or is it?!

{ben} was 15mo when we found out that {gabe} was on the way.

{gabe} was 16mo when {sam} & {matty} were born.

today the 21st. today, the twins are 15mo...

so what you ask?!

A. i love seeing all the boys at the same age. it lets you see all the similarities & differences more clearly.
B. well here's a bit of a confession...ready...
i have a slight case of baby fever...
there i said it. no taking it back now.

i know. i know. what am i thinking?! it definitely is NOT time for me to get pregnant again.
and yet i can't help myself. seeing all these new little babies everywhere...it melts the mommy heart in me.

hear me out for a sec!

to try or not to try for a girl?!
i only truly have the slightest inclination, like 15%, for a baby girl. and the 85%...deathly afraid it would be another boy. i mean just the thought of 5 boys...scary! and as of late, {ben} has told me that he wants a baby sister. it freaks me out when kids say stuff like that cause so many times they are right on point. i'm just thankful he didn't ask if there was a baby in my belly!

the whole 1 baby vs. 2 babies thing:
also, the last pregnancy was twins people. i won't say it was terrible, but it was hard. my little body worked in over drive. i know that i could totally handle another pregnancy with less gripping and more action. that belly wouldn't hold me back!

and just having 1 newborn. solo bebe. that would be awesome. yes there would still be lack of sleep and diaper changes. but what i have to compare it to now...i mean i'm already changing diapers so nothings really changing in that neighborhood anytime soon.

and the breastfeeding...ha! once you've tandem nursed twins you've climbed the highest mountain. although, i might just miss snuggling 2 babies then...might...maybe...ok, probably. cause who doesn't love double the baby snuggles?!

we're young. the boys are young. 
yes, we both are only 28 & i have several more years of prime childbearing years ahead of me. and while we do have age on our side, i also don't want to look or feel as though i've aged 20 years overnight. there are some days that my personal space limit was reached and crossed as i became a human jungle gym to all of the boys. but we also have time to sit on it and wait. these twins may literally break me. and think on this, i would have...a 5 year old, a 3 year old & 2-2 year olds...then plus a newborn. now doesn't that sound like fun?!


and while all of these are great and valid points...

i don't see that any of them are a good enough reason to have another. i'm trying to enjoy my boys. i feel as though i've missed out on the 1 year old stage with both {ben} and {gabe} so now i'm doing it double time with {sam} and {matty}. we've talked about it. continually. i think it's an evolving decision. we have given ourselves a couple of years to finalize the decision.

and the decision is...

for now it is that our quiver is full with 4 boys. sorry to disappoint the few of you who were hoping i'd be making a different kind of announcement. sorry, no little beauty joining our tribe at this time. i'm learning to accept the fact that the twins were more than likely my last pregnancy. my last baby experience. my last set of firsts. and while i barely remember most of those times, i will not selfishly fulfill my need to excel at being pregnant. and in that, my mind & heart find peace. and excitement for a new season. one that is no longer full of babies and feeling left behind to tend to the little one(s).


so here's to me & my 5 guys!

flashback adventures to times unremembered

{matty}'s favorite spot

last September was a time i'll never remember & i love the month of september. i know, i know. most people end that phrase with never forget. it's when my mom who stayed with us for 7 weeks after twins birth left. then things went blank...

i do remember parts of my family visiting and taking family pictures, but not too much else. i kinda hate it. but thankfully i have lots of pictures thanks to my awesome husband & his trusty iphone and, not to worry, we also have some good ones on our real camera. i feel like a small child when i try to remember the happenings...just bits & pieces that are muddied by sleep deprivation and stories & pictures shared by friends. so here's an attempt to relive, remember & share life as it was with newborn twins.

trying to find just pictures from end of august & beginning of september 2010.

lots of time spent in my moby wrap for everyone. it was part of my everyday attire.
thankful my wonderful mother in law made me a second. we wouldn't have survived without it!

double time!
and yes, they loved it.

{matty} to this day loves being worn.

{sam} taking a look around 

lots of couch time. and subsequent cartoon watching.

typical.

this is {gabe} checking out [sam}'s paci

{ben} & {sam}

{ben} & {matty}

big brother {ben} was enthralled with both boys and constantly asked to snuggle them

and most importantly, lots of snuggles.

{matty} & {sam} lived in the pack n play in the living room

photo by {ben}

swaddled & pacified. time for a nap!

and the big boys loved spending with
grammie & granpop while they stayed with us

ok, now i feel like i sufficiently recall september 2010. and i'm glad to say that it's done. those sleepless nights with twins kicked all our butts! thankful for time passed and growing older aka bigger & fatter.

a conquest in the battle of humility

{hannah} @ 40 weeks & me @ 34 weeks
we'd been swimming & it was july...
please excuse everything but the big bellies :)

i've found myself being more sentimental than normal recently. and no, there are no pregnancy hormones to blame people. seriously! i just keep thinking about where i was last july. i keep thinking about how far i...we as a family have come over the past year. i'm sure i will be like this every year, but this is the first, so just indulge me.

i was on modified bed rest to allow maximum blood flow to {matty}. i really just couldn't...i tried to sit & rest. and really i did but because i had worn myself out. which really isn't the objective of bedrest. i was in a battle of humility. i was having to let people help me. it was horrible. all of these mundane, every day sort of tasks, people were helping me with. i felt that i was still very capable. i could do those things. but that wasn't what the doctors were asking me. they knew i could and was fully capable of doing my 'housework', what they wanted was for me to simply not do it. i was being told NO. gasp! how dare they! i am the one to tell others {ben} & {gabe} NO...i definitely wasn't used to hearing it.

thankfully i have friends who know me well enough to just come & take over. i had a friend who would come & clean my floors for me weekly. i had friends come & pick up the boys so i could actually lay down and get some rest. i also had friends have the boys over for play dates...cook me meals...do my laundry...paint my toenails...buy me books to read on bed rest. it was a pretty sweet deal. i just wasn't much for all the attention. :)

if only then had i truly known what life would be like now, i really would have taken advantage of those offerings much more frequently. but then again, no one could have prepared me for it. i've learned that i can't be quite so independent and that i truly need help. i take it a bit more graciously these days. although it's still hard when i feel they are things that i can do...they just don't get done. accepting i've done, figuring out how to appropriately thank my wonderful God-sent helpers...still a work in progress.

all that to say, check out my amazingly clean house that my wonderful mother-in-law did while i took the boys to north carolina last week. needless to say, i made them wait outside while i walked thru the cleanliness first. blessed and overly loved by her.

a flashback adventure...knott's island

i was trying to figure out how to rehash the last year of my life. at some moments it seems lost and maybe others just plan forgotten. and it definitely didn't get recorded on here. i started blogging when {ben} was a month old may 2007 and was fairly faithful in updating my distant family on the ongoings of the boys until...surprise! i was pregnant with the twins. it was december of 2009 and i was sick, tired & just trying to keep up. plus, it was holiday season. 

so in an attempt to relive the days of yesteryear i'll post some pics from time lost...

the 6 of us at an orchard/farm fall 2010

we went apple & pumpkin picking with a friend who has kiddos the same ages as the big boys. it was quite the adventure. we road a ferry the kind where you drive your car onto the boat across a 5 mile stretch of water & it took us 45 minutes. definitely not the way to go when in a hurry. it was free and the boys loved it. they fed birds crackers from the top deck of the ferry while i nursed the babies in the van down below. everyone was happy! 

we go to pick apples...and there are no apples to pick the lady informs us. instead we just eat our picnic lunch by the water and enjoy the gorgeous fall day. afterwards we headed down the rows of pumpkins to pick the very best one. {ben} is finally at the age where he gets it. {gabe} just enjoyed running "free".  i recommend doing it to anyone if you live close to a place like this. idyllic really. and who doesn't love a place where the kids can roam free without fences or strollers?!

me & my sweet little {matty boy}