it's about that time again...or is it?!

{ben} was 15mo when we found out that {gabe} was on the way.

{gabe} was 16mo when {sam} & {matty} were born.

today the 21st. today, the twins are 15mo...

so what you ask?!

A. i love seeing all the boys at the same age. it lets you see all the similarities & differences more clearly.
B. well here's a bit of a confession...ready...
i have a slight case of baby fever...
there i said it. no taking it back now.

i know. i know. what am i thinking?! it definitely is NOT time for me to get pregnant again.
and yet i can't help myself. seeing all these new little babies everywhere...it melts the mommy heart in me.

hear me out for a sec!

to try or not to try for a girl?!
i only truly have the slightest inclination, like 15%, for a baby girl. and the 85%...deathly afraid it would be another boy. i mean just the thought of 5 boys...scary! and as of late, {ben} has told me that he wants a baby sister. it freaks me out when kids say stuff like that cause so many times they are right on point. i'm just thankful he didn't ask if there was a baby in my belly!

the whole 1 baby vs. 2 babies thing:
also, the last pregnancy was twins people. i won't say it was terrible, but it was hard. my little body worked in over drive. i know that i could totally handle another pregnancy with less gripping and more action. that belly wouldn't hold me back!

and just having 1 newborn. solo bebe. that would be awesome. yes there would still be lack of sleep and diaper changes. but what i have to compare it to now...i mean i'm already changing diapers so nothings really changing in that neighborhood anytime soon.

and the breastfeeding...ha! once you've tandem nursed twins you've climbed the highest mountain. although, i might just miss snuggling 2 babies then...might...maybe...ok, probably. cause who doesn't love double the baby snuggles?!

we're young. the boys are young. 
yes, we both are only 28 & i have several more years of prime childbearing years ahead of me. and while we do have age on our side, i also don't want to look or feel as though i've aged 20 years overnight. there are some days that my personal space limit was reached and crossed as i became a human jungle gym to all of the boys. but we also have time to sit on it and wait. these twins may literally break me. and think on this, i would have...a 5 year old, a 3 year old & 2-2 year olds...then plus a newborn. now doesn't that sound like fun?!


and while all of these are great and valid points...

i don't see that any of them are a good enough reason to have another. i'm trying to enjoy my boys. i feel as though i've missed out on the 1 year old stage with both {ben} and {gabe} so now i'm doing it double time with {sam} and {matty}. we've talked about it. continually. i think it's an evolving decision. we have given ourselves a couple of years to finalize the decision.

and the decision is...

for now it is that our quiver is full with 4 boys. sorry to disappoint the few of you who were hoping i'd be making a different kind of announcement. sorry, no little beauty joining our tribe at this time. i'm learning to accept the fact that the twins were more than likely my last pregnancy. my last baby experience. my last set of firsts. and while i barely remember most of those times, i will not selfishly fulfill my need to excel at being pregnant. and in that, my mind & heart find peace. and excitement for a new season. one that is no longer full of babies and feeling left behind to tend to the little one(s).


so here's to me & my 5 guys!

who's my sneaky hiding adventurer?!

well, i'm not exactly sure who the best little hider in my tribe of arrows is, but i do know, i have at least one!

{gabe} will sit completely still and not say a word...granted he may be sitting out in the wide open, but still, not a peep.
{ben} giggles incessantly or tries not to and squeaks. he can't handle the anticipation of it all and usually pops out.
{sam} and {matty} haven't really learned the whole hide-n-seek thing yet. they do more of the peek-a-boo...well {matty} does. and he loves it like most 1 year olds do!

it makes me wonder which twin was hiding from the doctor's during doppler tests and the early ultrasound. because now that we know there were twins because until 20 weeks we didn't i can look at that 7 week ultrasound and see 2 babies. i can see it people. i would find a picture to put up here but i'm sure they are all packed away in boxes in a storage unit where the other 95% of my belongings are.

there are two. separate. little. beans!

well, maybe the ultrasound tech and OBGYN that saw me that day weren't as good at seeking as i am. i can't put my expectations of great observation on everyone, that wouldn't be fair. ha! either way, that day just after christmas 2010 that we got our ultrasound and had a late christmas gift for our families...but we weren't ready for it. no one was. there was still genuine shock that i was pregnant again.

still not sure of who was the hider although i have my suspicions but whoever it was, they win. best hiding spot ever! i'm just glad they decided to show themselves before it was labor time and i ended up one of those crazy ladies on discovery health that didn't know she was pregnant...with twins!

this post was inspired by mama kat's writers workshop.

5, the perfect hiding spot.

a conquest in the battle of humility

{hannah} @ 40 weeks & me @ 34 weeks
we'd been swimming & it was july...
please excuse everything but the big bellies :)

i've found myself being more sentimental than normal recently. and no, there are no pregnancy hormones to blame people. seriously! i just keep thinking about where i was last july. i keep thinking about how far i...we as a family have come over the past year. i'm sure i will be like this every year, but this is the first, so just indulge me.

i was on modified bed rest to allow maximum blood flow to {matty}. i really just couldn't...i tried to sit & rest. and really i did but because i had worn myself out. which really isn't the objective of bedrest. i was in a battle of humility. i was having to let people help me. it was horrible. all of these mundane, every day sort of tasks, people were helping me with. i felt that i was still very capable. i could do those things. but that wasn't what the doctors were asking me. they knew i could and was fully capable of doing my 'housework', what they wanted was for me to simply not do it. i was being told NO. gasp! how dare they! i am the one to tell others {ben} & {gabe} NO...i definitely wasn't used to hearing it.

thankfully i have friends who know me well enough to just come & take over. i had a friend who would come & clean my floors for me weekly. i had friends come & pick up the boys so i could actually lay down and get some rest. i also had friends have the boys over for play dates...cook me meals...do my laundry...paint my toenails...buy me books to read on bed rest. it was a pretty sweet deal. i just wasn't much for all the attention. :)

if only then had i truly known what life would be like now, i really would have taken advantage of those offerings much more frequently. but then again, no one could have prepared me for it. i've learned that i can't be quite so independent and that i truly need help. i take it a bit more graciously these days. although it's still hard when i feel they are things that i can do...they just don't get done. accepting i've done, figuring out how to appropriately thank my wonderful God-sent helpers...still a work in progress.

all that to say, check out my amazingly clean house that my wonderful mother-in-law did while i took the boys to north carolina last week. needless to say, i made them wait outside while i walked thru the cleanliness first. blessed and overly loved by her.

the adventure continues...with twins!

Matthew Campbell & Samuel Aaron

the story of the twins arrival...in bullet points because there were just too many details!

• we were told at 20 weeks that we're expecting not 1 boy...but 2 spontaneous twin boys! (as best they could tell they were spontaneous/identical)
• at 28 weeks we were told that there was a 29% difference in size between the boys
• finally at 32 weeks went to the maternal-fetal medicine to have have in-depth ultrasound on the boys
• that day...june 24 (the day before my 5 yr anniversary & 2 days after {Matt} left for nepal) i was told that baby B was in the 5th percentile and the chances of him "passing away" were significantly high & they 'may' have heart problems. they sent me to get a steroid shot in case they needed to come early...
• i promptly got in touch with {Matt} who was in the mountains in nepal (as promptly as one can) and told him i needed him to go through this with me....he left that night. rode down the mountain on the back of a motorcycle at 4am.
• met with a pediatric cardiologist. he wasn't worried with what he saw. which just made me confused, not assured.
• over the next month i was put on bed rest (ha! that was a joke!), went back to the doctor weekly for more ultrasounds, blood flow and growth checks.
• finally at 35 weeks they decided that there wasn't enough room for baby B to grow and that the following week they would take the babies by c-section. i'm pretty sure i busted out in singing the "Hallelujah Chorus".
• july 21, 2010...we arrived at the hospital at 7am ready to have some babies!
• after 3 emergency c-sections, plus another ones that were already scheduled to happen before mine...4:52pm babyA {Sam} @ 6lbs 7oz and 4:53pm babyB {Matty} @ 4lbs 14oz... were finally release from the confines of my belly.
• i tried to savor every last second of my being pregnant, but being strapped up with multiple monitors laying on a gurney (not even a real bed!) i was ready to go home and stay pregnant one more day! emotional wreck for sure.
• then once the babies were out they were wisked away to the NICU at CHKD. they only brought 1 bassinet (for babyB) but got charts or something mixed up and they both went.
• recovery from a c-section was a beast compared to my other births. i felt all itchy as the spinal wore off. so they gave me benadryl...straight into the IV. whoops! i was a hot mess.
• matt went with the babies. i tried to rest, but my adrenaline was getting the best of me and i just couldn't fully rest. i had several conversations with people with my eyes closed because i literally couldn't keep them open. i blame the benadryl.
• first scans of the boys looked good but they wanted to watch them over the next few days. so if i wanted to see them i had to be wheeled down a maze of corridors to CHKD to see them.
• they were in separate rooms so the scrubbing of hands and dressing of gowns was repeated many times. thankfully they were only in the NICU a couple of days.
• on july 23 {Sam} was released from the NICU and spent the next 2 days just down the hall (that i could walk to) in the level III nursery. i got to hold him and was able to start trying to breastfeed.
• on july 24 {Matty} was released from the NICU and sent to the level III nursery as well. they were both cleared of any heart or other medical problems!!
• thankful doesn't even begin to express my feelings...
• i was released the morning of july 25. and then we hung out in the hospital all day waiting for {Sam} to be released. he wasn't until 9pm!!
• we were in the middle of a heat wave so at 9m it was nearly 99 degrees!! i was thankful for the time in the AC that i didn't have to pay for :)
• we were told that {Matty} would be released the next day as long as he passed his car seat test. he had to sit in the car seat for an hour without having any heart arrhythmia's. he did that in the morning....and again, wasn't released until 9pm on july 26. the night nurse had never done a medical release. that week she did 2. and bonus for us, she just kept giving us formula and diapers galore!

we did it! we were home as a family of 6! it was the longest lesson on waiting & patience ever!

adventures of "you know there's 2 right?!"

ok so here it is folks, my reactions to our life changing news last week...

it's been almost a week now and i'd say the reality of the situation has settled in as best as it possibly can, for now. i have 2 babies in my belly. which to say the least explains A LOT! it came as a total shocker even though my belly is huge already. we had an ultrasound at 7 weeks and there was no mention of there being 2 babies. i've also had a few doctor's appointments since then and again, no mention of 2 heartbeats. i guess God had some things for me to deal with and work through first. :)

and not only were we doubly blessed, but they are both boys! LOL! my Cook cousins i'm sure are laughing. to clue everyone else in, all my cousins on my dad's side have only had boys-i think it's like 16 great-grandsons! i always knew that i'd be a mom of 4 boys. call it intuition or self-fulfilling prophecy, either way, i'm there. and to answer a big question, yes, fraternal twins do run in my mom's family, BUT, i'm having identical twins and that could happen to anyone. :) and since twins run in my mom's family i always 'joked' that i'd be the one to have the twins...and again, here i am. i just kinda chuckle when i think about those statements of years ago. i guess the Lord knew then i would need a long time of mental preparation since i wouldn't actually find out i was having twins til half way thru the pregnancy!

i took last friday to just 'enjoy' the news and not let myself get all worked up into the details. it was a bizarre day and nothing much got accomplished besides phone calls, texts and facebook updating. it wore this little introvert out! but i'm glad i took that day. i was able to think so much more clearly the next day. because throughout the day, and continuing still, the Lord reveals himself and his ways to me. He has showed me so many things, from the grand to the small, that He had already begun doing to prepare me for this time. my original thought was "how in the world do you accidentally get pregnant with twins?!" the short answer is: you don't! God had these boys planned for such a time as now and has prepared me, like i've said before, throughout my lifetime. i could look back and say 'maybe' He did this or that, but i know without a doubt that they were all done and orchestrated for me for this time. these boys have a destiny that can't be denied! for instance, just yesterday i was so thankful that i played soccer for like 14 years and got the strong legs to prove it! or how i needed to wait until we found out what the baby was to figure out a name. or the sense of transition and the Lord asking me to 'grow up' a few months ago. or the need to be more proactive about play dates for ben & gabe. or even something simple like all the baby things we have that i made matt put in storage rather than selling. or maybe the fact that the doctor told me i need to gain at least 40 lbs and lo and behold that's exactly what i gained (and lost!) with both the other boys. or maybe it's the fact that my parents will be moving to the east coast this summer and my mom will be in between jobs rather than just taking vacation when she comes to help.

i mean really how can i be fearful when i can see all He has done for me and my family already. His perfect love has truly cast out all fear. i was asked if i'd cried yet...and the answer is no. i mean, i know i will have my moments, but right now, all i can feel is God's love and purpose. there is certainly no fear. we are surrounded with people who truly love and care for us. and will do anything for us. apparently i needed a lesson in humility and letting people help me. i'm not looking forward to the days of impending bed rest or taking it slow. i worry mostly for the big boys and my pregnancy. i know there will be help once the twins come, but it's the stress of the pregnancy and the likelihood of pre-term labor or complications. and just letting gabe stay a baby as long as he needs to. poor buddy won't know what hit him soon enough! and my big benny and all the energy he will need to run out. oh the life of little boys is definitely not full of sitting and playing inside, at least not ben's.

these little lives will be here before i know it. my goal is to make it to 36 weeks. my doctor said their window for delivery is between 34-37 weeks which puts their appearance 4-6 weeks ahead of the original due date of august 17. so july babies they will be. and even though it shortens the time frame, i'm procrastinator and do better when it's 'go time' rather than waiting, so again, i guess God knew best!

thank you for all of your love, encouragement, support & generosity already!

with love,

kristi...and my 5 guys