it's not about me...except for when it is pt. 2

matt & i had the privilege of attending a live Love & Respect Marriage Conference at our church this past weekend. and no we aren't having marital problems. Marriage conferences are meant for more than just healing the broken relationships. we had read the book during premarital counseling and this was a great refresher course. because while 7 years isn't an exorbitant amount of time, its just enough to think that maintaining the status quo is enough. but i don't want just enough out of life or my marriage.

these are the basic sections they spoke about:

• we were created male & female, equal but different. and different doesn't mean wrong.
• the crazy cycle: without love she reacts without respect. without respect he reacts without love. 
• the energizing cycle: his love motivates her respect. her respect motivates his love.
• the rewarded cycle: his love regardless of her respect. her respect regardless of his love.

like i said, it's one of those "back to the basics" kinda deals. and i find that we all need those every once in a while because when we revisit them, there's always a new a-ha! moment. and while dr. eggerich had lots of insightful things to share on loving or respecting your spouse, my eyes were definitely opened in a new way, to my sons. you see i'm surrounded by males...out numbered 5:1. so it suddenly clicked that this respect thing is just about loving my husband, it's also about loving my boys.

we even got a date & a night away with friends.

while i think there definitely different ways to show love & respect {the 5 love languages}, i think that it still just boils down to how we were created, male & female. when teaching, correcting or discipling my boys, i need to make sure they feel respected so that they receive it. i want my boys to grow up feeling honored & knowing how to love. because one day they will find they actually like little girls and then they'll grow up & marry one. i get that there will be crazy & over dramatic girls that will come {& hopefully go}, but my hope is that their standards are so that they know someone who can & does respect them. ya following me?!

our marriage & families are our original communities. it's definitely a time in dealing/creating community that starts with you. it requires me to be intentional here at home & in my marriage in order to be role models for our boys. the fruits of {the labor of} my marriage may not be reaped until much later, but when they are, it'll so be worth it. to have sons who know how to love & to have daughters {in-law} that respect my boys. because as a momma, isn't that one of our biggest goals in life?

how are you respecting your husband & sons?

DWC worship staff & wives.
i fully realize this is what my future family pictures could look like.

the end of my giving thanks adventure

it's been a great time of reflecting and learning to be content. i've seen God's blessings in my life is small & big ways. it's amazing what you can see when you take the time daily to be thankful for the blessings in life. but the biggest lesson i found through it was the contentedness i found in my life. it took out the longing for more. the desire to fill my life with what i don't have & think i need. what a place of peace my heart has found.

now i realize i didn't get all my daily lists of things i was thankful for up here on the blog, but i do have them. and the general theme was His amazing provision...in food, health, and timing. i'm still in awe! but most of all, i'm thankful this month of sickness & health issues is OVER...time to move on along to health & wholeness!!

i am now ready to ring in the advent season! what a season of excitement & anticipation. it's no wonder the consumer world has jumped on board. although, with our moving out of the condo just days before Christmas and the fact that the majority of the boys toys have been packed away for most of the year, we won't really be buying much this year. we'll have the joy of rediscovery of toys that have been 'hidden'. they'll get a few small things for the drive in the car and some from grandparents. but what im most excited about is preparing my home & hearts of my family in the anticipation of the arrival of our King.

i'll post our activities tomorrow, but here's what i'm hoping to accomplish...to teach them how to relate and be in the world, but not of the world. aka know Jesus is the reason for the season, but also not burst some kid's santa believing bubble. 

• i want my boys to know that our anticipation is for the birth of our Messiah, not just the packages under the tree.
• i want them to know the Christmas story, not just Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.
• i want them to know the scripture that tells the prophecy & birth of Jesus.
• i want them to know the angles,wise men & shepards are & not just elves.
• i want them to know that Jesus is real and Santa is the storybook character. 
• i want to build memories & traditions for them. 

and most importantly, i get that all of these things will be works in progress over their lifetime, but ya gotta start sometime. so why not now?!

hoping to get my advent activities post finished for tomorrow. so come back tomorrow and i'll do my best to inspire you.



edit** also super thankful for my cousin's brand new baby GIRL! she's the first granddaughter after 10 boys between she & her siblings!!! now that is a celebration folks!

thankful adventure in God's timing

The Lord's timing is and always will be a mystery to me. Some times we are sitting and waiting & waiting some more. And other times it happens in the drop of a hat and we are expected to pick up the pace.

But one thing I've learned is that it's always perfect. ALWAYS! There is no doubt that when that thing you've been waiting...trusting...prayfully seeking the Lord for...happens its for "such a time as this". And we must simply have peace in that.

While most of the time I feel like we are waiting on the Lord for what seems like forever and then we see him appear when we've become desperate and given up hope in our eleventh hour. But for me lately, I've seen him working in super speed and I sometimes have a hard time keeping up. It's been thing after thing here but he's ordained them all. And our timeline is so linear...one thing can't happen until this other thing happens. It's been a blessing to see them all happen so steadily. He's answered prayers before we even knew to ask. He's a God of small things and big things alike. It's awesome!


A few weeks ago I had said that we got a offer on our condo and signed a contract for another full price offer. HUGE blessing. That makes 2 houses in 6 months...and all that awesomeness goes to glorify God! But....
There was a catch. Our condo association had lost its certification with the FHA. So anyone with an FHA loan (meaning those looking in our price range & type of house) could not buy our place (or any in our neighborhood for that matter). And of course the buyer had an FHA loan. but the buyer decided she was willing to wait for the certification...that could take up to 90 days.

i mean who wouldn't want this cute little place, right?!

{matt} had jumped through several hoops to figure out who to talk to & how to start the process for recertification. And on the week we accepted the offer and signed the contract, we were told that it would be at least another 30 days. Still in time to close by mid December but that means a rush to get all the inspections and appraisals done before closing.

As of yesterday St. Andrews condominiums are FHA certified!! and we can now get on with the intrusions of inspectors and packing. oh joy!

I don't claim to know why the Lords timing is what it is. I couldn't tell you why we didn't find out about the certification deal until we did or why the recertification happened so quickly. In the end, my prayers are answered and I've learned to lean on His understanding & timing a little more easily.

and here we are, the end of november...Christmas is just mere weeks away. and for so many it's that of year when people are reaching their own 11th hour of desperation. we need to be looking & aware of how we can be used in the Lords timing to help those in that desperate place.

are you looking? and will you make yourself available?

adventures in learning to live with less :: holiday decorating

over the last few months I've learned how to live with less space & stuff. 

and not just learned but enjoying living with less space & stuff.

Less toys to pick up.
Fewer dishes to wash.
Not as much stuff to organize.
Less on the walls & shelves collecting dust.
Not as many things for the babies to get into.
Fewer things distracting me from time with my boys.
Although I wish I could say the same went for the laundry.

But now that means I have 2 storage units full of stuff I feel like I don't need. i haven't used most of what i own in months! months people. but there are important things like birth certificates, tax stuff & other such papers to hold on to.

I mean I'm even keeping my fridge & pantry less cluttered. Because there just isn't room to keep the non-essentials. I buy what we'll use right away and I'm learning to meal plan a little better. freedom i tell ya!

fall is a season of preparation...preparing for the long, cold winter that lies ahead. we pull out the blankets & coats, turn up the heat and stock the pantry & fridge with our fall harvest until they are overflowing. it's about making your house feel warm & cozy & inviting to be in so you don't have to leave it. and one way we do that is by filling them with holiday decorations. and in that, I find myself wanting again...

Not sure if that's just me caving to the advertising, holiday displays & simply just wanting or if there's more to it. i mean they do a great job of putting new & cute things out there every year.

super cute pillow.

  but it wouldn't last a month in my house.

via crate and barrel

nothing says snuggly more than a plaid fleece blanket!

via target

Or even this cute monogram. although i'd use a pre-light garland & hang it outside.

via pinterest

and then it dawned on me that it's more that greed & wanting. It's about creating a safe space. A retreat to grab a blanket & curl up in on cold & rainy winter days. a place full of memories & nostalgia. a place that you not only want to be, but stay in for a while.

***

***

So while we unfortunately will not be decorating for the holidays this year because the closing date on the condo is for mid-December. Getting more stuff out just to re-pack doesn't sound appealing to me at all. BUT I am figuring out how we can do little things still to celebrate the holiday season and maybe even decorate a bit.

I love advent calendars and both the big boys are old enough now to participate this year. I think it's a great compromise to our situation. And ive been searching for a calendar that I love for a couple years now & been unsuccessful. i don't like the idea of just handing out candy that's what halloween is for so we'll be doing lots of crafts & activities. the things we will do for advent will help decorate this place but still be disposable. We'll learn more about Jesus & the true Christmas story, but also introduce and explain who Santa, the elves & Rudolph are. I don't want my kids to be the ones who burst the bubble of those that belied in Santa.

I'm finding myself pretty excited actually. Decorating for the holidays, making my home cozy & warm...but with less. perfect!

And once I nail down what each day of the advent calendar holds I'll post it. For now enjoy the awesome advent calendar I just bought from NaptimeDiaries. go check it out!

and today i'm thankful for:

• Just the right advent calendar!
• That I have stuff if I want it...but in a storage into & not cluttering my house.
• The chance to create traditions & memories for my boys.

an annual adventure with a twist

so we've had some health issues around here lately. it's been a little ridiculous. and frankly i'm over it. but what's our life without a few extra adventures right?! geez!

so i went to my obgyn for my annual appointment. if that sentence made you uncomfortable, stop reading now. or it will only continue to get more uncomfortable for you. this is the first time that i've been in for an annual and NOT been pregnant. it felt strange. but it was nice to not have a pint of blood drawn.

i did the usual routine & let the nurse get her stats...all were fine. questions, side effects or concerns about my IUD...nope. any other concerns...

yes, well actually, there is this...this lump in my right breast.

**crickets**

it has been there since after i had {ben}.  i asked my former OB i changed practices with my pregnancy with {gabe} about it at an appointment after having {ben}. i was told it was probably just a blocked milk duct because i was breastfeeding and not to worry, it should soon go away. i nodded and went on my way.

well it didn't go away. in fact it got bigger. but lets be real here...since that appointment i've been pregnant or breastfeeding. i was putting my body through the ringer and in the end i wasn't sure what kind of condition my breasts would be in. smaller, sure. but having a lump that had grown, yeah not so much.

after my sweet doctor did a breast exam on me, she too agreed that we needed to do something about it...and oh yeah, there's another smaller spot on the other breast. just great. but she got some lidocaine and a 18 gauge needle to check the fluid and drain it if possible. well turns out, it was totally drainable 10cc worth, that's a lot! of nasty cystic fluid and no blood. the doc said she was looking for blood and if there had been then we would need to do a biopsy. so that was unexpectedly easy. and the cyst is no longer. i will go in for a mammogram & ultrasound in the next few weeks to make sure there isn't anything underlying that we missed and to get a better look at the smaller cyst. and then follow up with a surgeon in case there might be need to take action with anything. i'll update again once i've had those appointments.

all and all i'm glad with the news i received today.  like my momma said "better knowing and being able to face it than not knowing and being fearful and turning it into something bigger than it is." good words momma. also i read this while in the waiting room at the doctor's office..."for God is greater than our worried hearts for He knows more about us than we do ourselves." 1 john 3:20 amen!
__________________________________________

• so this story is a giving of thanks & praise all in one. thank ya Jesus! Hallelujah! 
• plus i'm super thankful for the support of my family...the encouragement they supplied along with the worries i know they wouldn't tell me about because i told them not to. 
• also thankful that i can now sleep on my stomach again and not feel it. 

single parent sundays :: fresh fall air

bed hogs slept in the middle of my bed all week

when {matt} was sick a few weeks back, i said it would be better to have a sick kid than a sick spouse. well turns out i got my wish...we all minus {ben} & including my parents got the stomach bug last week. karma just kicked my butt! it was terrible. not as bad as when we got it back in march, but still bad. my mom drove up the day i got sick. and my dad dropped by during the weekend...and they still got it. it's the kinda bug that lingers even after you aren't feeling sick. the worst! so we stayed home. inside. for days! did i mention i'm currently in a 2 bedroom condo?! cabin fever is an understatement.

{grammie} & {matty}

on sunday we were all feeling pretty much back to normal, but knowing that my parents had just gotten sick, we didn't want to chance taking this nasty bug onto church. so we stayed home. sure that meant no rushing to get out the door in time or arguments over outfits, but i was still doing it by myself. nothing had changed. the monotony of the week was digging in deep under my skin. thankfully, sunday brought beautiful fall weather here in southeastern virginia & i knew that if i didn't get out of the house we would all pay for it. i dressed my grumpy self & my grumpy tribe of boys and off we went to explore the great outdoors. ok, maybe not so much explore, but a walk to the park.

not sure why, but i feel like they look a lot like me here.

{gabe} wanted a ride back

 and getting out just once just wasn't enough, so we went for another walk later that afternoon. {auntie kate} came to the rescue again and took the little guys & i took the big ones. i tried to make them sit on this bench and act like they loved each other. this is the look i get from {gabe}. ha! shoulda known, we were all still a little on the grumpy side.

and turns out, that both {sam} & {matty} were cutting molars too. no wonder i feel like my hearing has been compromised.  i mean, there's a lot of crying that happens in this house normally we warn all those who dare to enter the door! but put sick AND teething buddies....yeah we reached a whole new level. 

thankfully the majority of us are on the up & up. {matty}s gums are still getting torn to pieces and he is more than sufficiently reminding us of this, but the bug has passed and we are enjoying the 80 degree weather. 

so last week was full of plenty of things to be grumpy about but like i said before, i'm trying to be thankful for something every day...even if it seems that there's nothing but baby puke filling it. and since all the days last week just got jumbled into one, i'll just be generally thankful. that's good enough right?!

• a husband who literally gets his hands dirty to help out at home
• that {ben} made it through without so much as a sneeze
• my husband that takes the day off to watch the kids & take care of me
• that same husband can get more done on his day off at home than i usually can 
• for parents who come to help...and get sick in return but wouldn't have it any other way
• for new windows to open & air out the house
• this amazingly gorgeous fall weather
• the colorful leaves that make looking out my window a little more enjoyable
• checking BIG things of a to-do list
• watching that to-do list get shorter & shorter

single parent sunday :: giving thanks days 4-6

i've been keeping a running daily list of things i'm thankful for on my phone. it's much easier than keeping pen & paper around yet also out of reach of the boys. since i'm just mashing all of these together today i'll keep it brief...

november 4
child care at the YMCA
leftover halloween goodie bags
a call to show the condo

november 5
showing the condo
a clean house
family time
nap time
worked on our christmas card
dinner & coffee with my friends

november 6
waking up with a little bit of sunshine
babies that didn't cry when left in the nursery
teething swabs for uncomfortable
jimmy john's
offer on the condo...even if it's not that great

                                                                              

and since yesterday was sunday...here's my single parent sunday adventure...

the boys woke up at their normal 7:15.

we got fed, dressed & out the door with no major meltdowns.

got to church EARLY.

got everyone to the bathroom & class on time. 

and then it repeated for our second go round for night church.

those experiences are few and far between for us.

 definitely a day i was giving thanks with a grateful heart!

A few people I'm thankful for :: day 3

{nana roo} & her special birthday...ok so I meant to add that to yesterday's post. as I was typing realized the notes I had been keeping had been deleted by a certain 2 yr old who can't keep his hands off my phone.

{nana roo} & {papa steve}
photo by: tom graham

to know that a dear friend is back home in the states (she & family have been in in thailand for 1.5 yrs) and recovering from jetlag. happy heart!

{tess} with a brand new {gabe}

Listening to Christmas music while cleaning. Love the nostalgia & joy it brings. Especially when listening to this...



Remember my friend {abbie}, this is her big brudda, Matt Wertz. I spent many a Christmas seasons in their cozy house. *sigh* and yes, I'm suddenly filled with childhood nostalgia again...see its just that good! he's working hard at pursuing his dream, so show him some support. GO GET IT!

Which also makes me thankful for Abbie & all these years when laughed & cried through life together. Gah! If only texas weren't so far away!! Kiss that sweet niño for me.

{abbie} & her son {wes-a-wee}, {bethany} &
me and my boys

New books to read at bedtime. Nothing like the rhythmic sound of a new book to slow down the pace before bed.

gift cards that had been put away & forgotten about to help buy a few groceries while money was low. major blessing!!

- Posted from my iPhone

thankful november adventures :: day 2

{sam}s new found love for books...and being without pants apparently

i can sit him down with a book & he'll stay there for a few minutes. 

coffee after another night of being up with coughing babies. 

and morning snuggles & art with my big buddy.

little helping hands that actually helped clean. 

i take out the middle 2 poles of my swiffer and let him go to town 

& he actually gets the floor somewhat cleaned.

***

sipping on a decaf pumpkin spice latte while thumbing through some design magazines.

and {auntie kate} for watching the boys last night so i could do so in peace & quiet.

what moments...things...people are you thankful for today?

- Posted from my iPhone

beginning a thankful adventure in november

Yesterday was one of those difficult days.

Little boys were constantly crying/fussing.

there's a lot of that in my house.

Naps were being resisted.

Meals were boycotted.

And this momma was grumpy herself.

It must have been in the water.

and yet, it's that time of year we are suppose to be thankful, even when we don't feel like it.

But I realized something...like anyone else who went to the store in the past week...Halloween was just here & we are already onto Christmas. And I love the Christmas season but something was screaming out to me. Not just the lack of celebrating or decorating for Thanksgiving. but the fact that we are skipping over a holiday where we celebrate the blessings we have been given and race onto the holiday where we become mass consumers with the "gimme that. I want that. And that. And that." attitude.

I think Thanksgiving sets the right attitude for the Christmas season. If we go in knowing how thankful we are for the things we have already been blessed with; it lessens the need for more stuff for ourselves and increases the desire to allow others to have the same incredible feelings of being blessed. No, I'm not talking about the faces of our kids when they open up the gifts under the tree (and who doesn't love that?!), but more so the reaction of people who feel they don't have anything to be thankful for or to celebrate.

so i've decided to remind myself to give thanks and not just simply to give it, but 

with a grateful heart. 

because there are so many things daily that i need to see & learn to see in a different light.... especially when we all got up on the wrong side of the bed.

here's my list for today:

warm, snuggly, cozy footy pjs on little boys

a fridge full of milk...these boys go through a gallon a day!

leggings & boots...these are my replacement for sweats these days. 

the ability to interpret {gabe}s sentences & thoughts...sometimes anyways.

now i won't solely be writing on the things i'm thankful for starting today until december 1, but i will include a small list at end of each post at least. i'd love for you to join with me. post it on a blog. on facebook. twitter. email me.

and even more, i'd love to hear from you come december and how your heart has been prepared for the Christmas season. and if you'd like to share it here for all to see, i'd love to give you that opportunity. let me know & please feel free to email kristiruckel {at} gmail {dot} com





- Posted from my iPhone