bedtime adventures with the horse

i'm not sure if it's the pre-preschool jitters or what, but bedtime tonight was...long. {ben} has quite the imagination on him. there's always a new and creative delay tactic. but tonight's truly tugged at my heart. i just wanted to crawl into bed and hold him. tell him it's ok and convince him that...well...everything is perfectly fine.

you see he started crying after i said his prayers & sang his lullaby song. it's normal. i didn't think anything of it until he said something about the horse. i hate this horse. it was a frequent dream visitor for several months last year. and finally, it was gone and we haven't heard anything about...until tonight. my poor buddy is truly terrified of this dumb horse. it's not horses in general, just this one that comes into his room at  night.

i shudder at the fear that i know runs through his tiny body. i remember laying stiff as a board and barely able to breathe, let alone, cry out to my momma when awoken from a bad dream. to this day i remember the reoccurring nightmare i had during childhood. my best friend and i can now joke with each other about the absurd characters that they were. but in the moment, in the depth of that dream, there is nothing more terrifying.

after i finally got him tucked into bed, i walked into the living room and cried. cried for him. cried out to God for him. for peace. for rest. for the strength and courage it requires to fight off those bad thoughts. i know his little 4 year old brain doesn't fully grasp that Jesus is with him or that angels are surrounding him and ready for battle, but i tell him that every night. until he knows or understands how, i will stand in that gap for him. encouraging him. pushing him. and scaring off & fighting the horse.

he asks if Jesus will poke him in the eyes. i say yes. he asks if the Angels will kick his legs down. again, i say yes. he knows how to fight. his daddy taught him that. oh my gentle {ben}, what a tenacious spirit you have!

and ever since the bedtime routine began at 7...i've had my favorite lullaby cd playing. it calms the house, my heart & the boys. it's called hidden in my heart scripture lullabies. praying we all sleep sweetly tonight.