ok so here it is folks, my reactions to our life changing news last week...
it's been almost a week now and i'd say the reality of the situation has settled in as best as it possibly can, for now. i have 2 babies in my belly. which to say the least explains A LOT! it came as a total shocker even though my belly is huge already. we had an ultrasound at 7 weeks and there was no mention of there being 2 babies. i've also had a few doctor's appointments since then and again, no mention of 2 heartbeats. i guess God had some things for me to deal with and work through first. :)
and not only were we doubly blessed, but they are both boys! LOL! my Cook cousins i'm sure are laughing. to clue everyone else in, all my cousins on my dad's side have only had boys-i think it's like 16 great-grandsons! i always knew that i'd be a mom of 4 boys. call it intuition or self-fulfilling prophecy, either way, i'm there. and to answer a big question, yes, fraternal twins do run in my mom's family, BUT, i'm having identical twins and that could happen to anyone. :) and since twins run in my mom's family i always 'joked' that i'd be the one to have the twins...and again, here i am. i just kinda chuckle when i think about those statements of years ago. i guess the Lord knew then i would need a long time of mental preparation since i wouldn't actually find out i was having twins til half way thru the pregnancy!
i took last friday to just 'enjoy' the news and not let myself get all worked up into the details. it was a bizarre day and nothing much got accomplished besides phone calls, texts and facebook updating. it wore this little introvert out! but i'm glad i took that day. i was able to think so much more clearly the next day. because throughout the day, and continuing still, the Lord reveals himself and his ways to me. He has showed me so many things, from the grand to the small, that He had already begun doing to prepare me for this time. my original thought was "how in the world do you accidentally get pregnant with twins?!" the short answer is: you don't! God had these boys planned for such a time as now and has prepared me, like i've said before, throughout my lifetime. i could look back and say 'maybe' He did this or that, but i know without a doubt that they were all done and orchestrated for me for this time. these boys have a destiny that can't be denied! for instance, just yesterday i was so thankful that i played soccer for like 14 years and got the strong legs to prove it! or how i needed to wait until we found out what the baby was to figure out a name. or the sense of transition and the Lord asking me to 'grow up' a few months ago. or the need to be more proactive about play dates for ben & gabe. or even something simple like all the baby things we have that i made matt put in storage rather than selling. or maybe the fact that the doctor told me i need to gain at least 40 lbs and lo and behold that's exactly what i gained (and lost!) with both the other boys. or maybe it's the fact that my parents will be moving to the east coast this summer and my mom will be in between jobs rather than just taking vacation when she comes to help.
i mean really how can i be fearful when i can see all He has done for me and my family already. His perfect love has truly cast out all fear. i was asked if i'd cried yet...and the answer is no. i mean, i know i will have my moments, but right now, all i can feel is God's love and purpose. there is certainly no fear. we are surrounded with people who truly love and care for us. and will do anything for us. apparently i needed a lesson in humility and letting people help me. i'm not looking forward to the days of impending bed rest or taking it slow. i worry mostly for the big boys and my pregnancy. i know there will be help once the twins come, but it's the stress of the pregnancy and the likelihood of pre-term labor or complications. and just letting gabe stay a baby as long as he needs to. poor buddy won't know what hit him soon enough! and my big benny and all the energy he will need to run out. oh the life of little boys is definitely not full of sitting and playing inside, at least not ben's.
these little lives will be here before i know it. my goal is to make it to 36 weeks. my doctor said their window for delivery is between 34-37 weeks which puts their appearance 4-6 weeks ahead of the original due date of august 17. so july babies they will be. and even though it shortens the time frame, i'm procrastinator and do better when it's 'go time' rather than waiting, so again, i guess God knew best!
thank you for all of your love, encouragement, support & generosity already!
kristi...and my 5 guys