truthfully, i'd lost the vision for this little space here. or rather, maybe i was just fighting it to the death. trying in vain to hide from things so deeply rooted in my soul that it was just easier to shut down rather than to try to avoid it while writing. ya know, cause out of the heart the mouth speaks...or the fingers type.
but it's been welling up lately. it's caused a restlessness in my soul. and as my pastor said a few weeks ago, "the enemy uses restlessness as a means to kill, steal & destroy our souls." as i tried to squelch it, it surfaced in other areas. until it flat out hit me in the face a couple of days ago when i realized that all of my efforts had failed.
the Lord creates us all to work together as the body of Christ, each performing unique & equally necessary roles. and what you are created for, you can't escape. {sorry.} it eventually leaks out without you noticing. that's exactly what happened to me. the Lord began to whisper names of friends into my ears. i reached out to each person via a text, phone call, social media, etc. leaving each of those conversations feeling complete & encouraged. i immediately began to think that i was just lonely & longing for more intimate friendships. wrong! i realized that loneliness was just the mask the was covering my restless soul...truthfully, my soul that was longing to use the gifts that God had created it for. as i reflected on these conversations i realized that He had used me to speak life & truth into hearts. even though i didn't try to "use" my gifts, He sure as heck did!
exhortation..
speaking truth in love.
communicate. challenge. comfort. console. cheer on. counsel. community. conflict. choices that are God-honoring.
ya wanna know the funniest thing, i'm totally an introvert.
i'm an introvert & God has chosen to use me with a gift of communication. i mean seriously?! i have to stretch outside of myself & my cozy little comfort zone so many times in just pure obedience. like the "i'm tired & i don't want to but i'm gonna do it anyways" kinda obedience. but when i feel something pulling my heart away, i know i need to dig in even harder. because i choose Christ & His truth, in my life & the lives of those around me, over the believing in the lies until they just aren't enough any more...because in the end, they never are.
and another realization, yet totally a sign of God's intricate design at work, my love language is words of affirmation. that means i receive & show love best by speaking it! how incredibly awesome is that?! if you can't find a sense of purpose in something like that, your eyes might not be totally open.
ok back to my vision for this space...this place where i'm transparent about motherhood, being a pastor's wife {yes, matt's back in the ministry again}, raising boys, life with twins...i was afraid to be too "preachy. but i've come to realize & understand that part of my personality & giftings, is a personal & practical application of the TRUTH. i will still share all the parts of my life because as i've shared before, i know that the Lord has asked me to go before others in circumstances in order to be able to speak into their lives. because out of our trials, come our testimonies that touch hearts of others.
i also know that i have not been communicating His truth as loudly & clearly as i should. not every post will be a preaching, but i hope you will find some comfort {& laughs} in my mishaps. some companionship in knowing you aren't doing this crazy life alone. and definitely find me cheering you on, even if from afar. just know that there will be a little more Jesus showing in this place.
so here's the truth i'm leaving you with: read ephesians 4:1-16. it speaks truth of our gifts & how we are called to use them...all of us together.
He handed out gifts above and below, filled heaven with his gifts, filled earth with his gifts. He handed out gifts of apostle, prophet, evangelist, and pastor-teacher to train Christ's followers in skilled servant work, working within Christ's body, the church, until we're all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God's Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ.
what has He gifted you with? and are you willing to use them?
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