it's about that time again...or is it?!

{ben} was 15mo when we found out that {gabe} was on the way.

{gabe} was 16mo when {sam} & {matty} were born.

today the 21st. today, the twins are 15mo...

so what you ask?!

A. i love seeing all the boys at the same age. it lets you see all the similarities & differences more clearly.
B. well here's a bit of a confession...ready...
i have a slight case of baby fever...
there i said it. no taking it back now.

i know. i know. what am i thinking?! it definitely is NOT time for me to get pregnant again.
and yet i can't help myself. seeing all these new little babies everywhere...it melts the mommy heart in me.

hear me out for a sec!

to try or not to try for a girl?!
i only truly have the slightest inclination, like 15%, for a baby girl. and the 85%...deathly afraid it would be another boy. i mean just the thought of 5 boys...scary! and as of late, {ben} has told me that he wants a baby sister. it freaks me out when kids say stuff like that cause so many times they are right on point. i'm just thankful he didn't ask if there was a baby in my belly!

the whole 1 baby vs. 2 babies thing:
also, the last pregnancy was twins people. i won't say it was terrible, but it was hard. my little body worked in over drive. i know that i could totally handle another pregnancy with less gripping and more action. that belly wouldn't hold me back!

and just having 1 newborn. solo bebe. that would be awesome. yes there would still be lack of sleep and diaper changes. but what i have to compare it to now...i mean i'm already changing diapers so nothings really changing in that neighborhood anytime soon.

and the breastfeeding...ha! once you've tandem nursed twins you've climbed the highest mountain. although, i might just miss snuggling 2 babies then...might...maybe...ok, probably. cause who doesn't love double the baby snuggles?!

we're young. the boys are young. 
yes, we both are only 28 & i have several more years of prime childbearing years ahead of me. and while we do have age on our side, i also don't want to look or feel as though i've aged 20 years overnight. there are some days that my personal space limit was reached and crossed as i became a human jungle gym to all of the boys. but we also have time to sit on it and wait. these twins may literally break me. and think on this, i would have...a 5 year old, a 3 year old & 2-2 year olds...then plus a newborn. now doesn't that sound like fun?!

and while all of these are great and valid points...

i don't see that any of them are a good enough reason to have another. i'm trying to enjoy my boys. i feel as though i've missed out on the 1 year old stage with both {ben} and {gabe} so now i'm doing it double time with {sam} and {matty}. we've talked about it. continually. i think it's an evolving decision. we have given ourselves a couple of years to finalize the decision.

and the decision is...

for now it is that our quiver is full with 4 boys. sorry to disappoint the few of you who were hoping i'd be making a different kind of announcement. sorry, no little beauty joining our tribe at this time. i'm learning to accept the fact that the twins were more than likely my last pregnancy. my last baby experience. my last set of firsts. and while i barely remember most of those times, i will not selfishly fulfill my need to excel at being pregnant. and in that, my mind & heart find peace. and excitement for a new season. one that is no longer full of babies and feeling left behind to tend to the little one(s).

so here's to me & my 5 guys!

1 comment:

  1. I totally feel you on this. My son was 15 months when we got pregnant with #2 and apart of me feels I missed out on some stuff with him.
    But now he's almost 3 and keeps asking me if I want to have a baby girl. No idea where he gets that from! It's hard for me not to have that itch since my circle of friends are all having baby girls this year but I'm trying to stay content and just enjoy my little boys right now.



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